Rico Update

Steve called last night to let me know that Rico has made significant improvement since the morning. His kidneys were failing, but now he is on medication and an IV... hopefully this will help the big buddy get better.

What an emotional roller coaster...

Rico Tubbs

Steve called me this morning to tell me his big buddy is being put down today. We've had this cat for almost 10 years... Rico Tubbs made the trek with us from Utah to Maine in the back of a pickup truck (there was a cap on it). What an adventure that was for him - and us! While en route we stopped in Philly to see Cory. We were driving on back roads that were very curvy and at some point during that portion of the trip his bigness (Rico) decides to do his business but partially misses the box! When we got to Cory's house Steve had to cut some of the fat stuff's hair and hose him off in the shower because of the mess!! So gross! Taking care of the cat's business was always Steve's job and he did it well.

My heart breaks for Steve, he loves that cat so much. Putting Boots down a couple years ago was traumatic enough, but at least we had each other and got to say good-bye to her... Even though I haven't lived with the fatty fatty 2 x 4 for several months, knowing he is gone and I didn't get to say good-bye is harder than I thought it would be... Thank you, to Diane (Steve's friend who has been taking care of Rico) for looking after the big guy and for doing what has to be done... that job sucks.

I love you, Rico Tubbs a.ka. 20 lbs of hairy love, his bigness, Bikos, the Fat Effer, Fatty Fatty 2 x 4, Biko Bikofski the Russian kitty, Chinese cook and many others that I am sure will come to me later today... You'll be missed.

Thanksgiving in Maryland

This year I had Thanksgiving with my Dad, Sue and siblings for the first time in 17 years! We were all together - Tom was home (safely, thank God) from Iraq, Jordan was home from her mission, I was home from Maine, Sarah from Vegas and Lauren from BYU! Meagan, Corinne & Chris are local :)

This is the first Thanksgiving I (we) haven't hosted in 5 or 6 years... It was a good transition considering the circumstances... although I missed my St. Jean family and the good times we've had. It was weird not to have the stress... staying up late the night before making place cards, washing the serving dishes, etc., making a plan with Steve of who was going to do what the next day. Arguing about who was doing more, who was going to make coffee Thanksgiving morning to get the ball rolling, hehe - good times, huh Wasband? ;-)

It has been quite a year, a lot has changed... most of all - me.

I am thankful for a loving family and amazing friends who support me and stand by me. I am thankful to have a job and a home. I am grateful for the challenges I have been given that have made me a stronger person... I am truly blessed.

Whew

"Know that you have to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else. And that your value doesn't come through anyone or anything. Your value is because of who you are" ~ Ashley Judd


DD and I had a great dinner on Thursday and talked about what we needed to - well, I talked, he listened and said he would be patient with me. He is divorced (for years now) and remembers what it was liked when it was new. He continues to be a total gentleman never pushing me, just being sweet and thoughtful. Saturday night we went out with my girlfriends (he was the DD); Sunday we went for a motorcycle ride (the last of the season I am sure, it was pretty cold) and watched the Patriots game at a friends house. When I was getting ready to go home Sunday night I had a mini-meltdown... I think it's much to early to let the crazy out, hahaha... then again why wait? He should know what he could potentially be in for. We talked through most of it then I headed home... I am starting to feel like instead of becoming more stable - I am becoming less stable.

Still feeling very discombobulated about my living situation... I feel like I can't stop talking about it. I'm like a homeless person living out of my car. I am so grateful to have so many friends that offer me places to stay until I can be in the house... Perfect example of why I can't live in the same house with Steve: This morning I went home to get ready for the gym. He stayed home sick today and when I came in I woke him up. He came downstairs, and without even thinking about it, went to the bathroom with the door open!? WE AREN'T GIRLFRIENDS! WE AREN'T MARRIED!! WE DON'T EVEN LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE!! CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR! I was irked. I would really like to think it was because he was sick and very tired... doped up on cold medicine maybe? Ugh... lovely way to start my day.

I have moved on - no longer irked. Steve apologized :) Good wasband.

It's Too Much!

(that title is for you Viv)




I am a little (putting it mildly) stressed about my living situation. I decided to move back into the house... felt like a great decision at the time. Steve will pay 1/2 the mortgage I will pay the other 1/2 and the utilities... I don't have to move so that is a stress reliever. However the plans have changed. Not Steve's fault and I don't want to come across like I am blaming him.



He was supposed to leave on 11/5. I moved into the house this past weekend and the Wasband was very helpful... over lunch he informed me that departure date is not happening. It's looking like it will be closer to the 17th - that's if everything goes according to plan (when does it ever?) I had already been planning on staying in Lewiston with Alex (outlaw nephew) while Lise & Greg (outlaws) are in Italy - through 11/5. Sweet deal for me, a place to stay - a NICE place to stay and a little bit of time with one of my favorite nephews. I was all set to be back in the house on the 5th, whether Steve was ready to go or not. He was going to stay with a friend. Now THAT fell through. It was suggested that we stay at the house together - um no.


Yeah we are getting along better than ever. Yes we talk almost every day; but no, I do not want to live with him again - and I am sure he doesn't want to live with me either, we were just trying to figure out how we can both be happy until he goes. So now I live out of a suitcase thinking of what friends I can beg a couch off 0f. Thankfully I am gone quite a bit in November, so that helps... you are wondering why he isn't finding a place to stay? I offered to stay elsewhere so I wouldn't have to pay rent :) I am putting that off for as long as possible, hehe

Done Deal...

"I'm really demanding. No girl really wants just a guy. You want a prince. You want Jesus. So when he comes around and his name is like, Steve, what are you supposed to do?" ~ Macy Gray



That cracked me up! ESPECIALLY because she picked the name Steve. Yesterday was the big day... I am officially a divorcee. I don't think I like that term so much... I'm going to boycott it.

We had a such a good morning. We went to breakfast where we talked and laughed the whole time, went to court and then he changed the headlight in my car :) Such a good Wasband. When we got in the courtroom there was a couple already seated at the tables in front of the judge and although they were sitting at 2 separate tables they had their backs turned to each other. Steve and I sat down on the bench and he put his arm around me and started laughing and I said "if we don't stop getting along so well, the judge isn't going to grant us a divorce!" I am so happy with how things are with us and how amicable we are. He is my friend again and I hope it always stays that way.

When I was in therapy earlier this week Rick asked if I had any regrets and I was able to honestly say no. I wouldn't change the experiences I had because it has made me who I am. I needed to go through that... as painful as it was at times it was also really good at times. I know we have done the right thing and I have never had second thoughts. I also know that I will always love him, as a friend and as my first (and only) Wasband.

8 Years

My phone rang this morning at 5:30 - it was Steve calling to wish me Happy Anniversary - since we are technically still married. I can't believe it has been 8 years. I had a guy say to me the other day he thought if a couple made it through the "7 year itch" they were all set... obviously that is not the case...

Steve and I have been getting along so well. We had breakfast together on Saturday... we covered a lot of heavy stuff - I am able to think and talk about things more clearly now that we have time and distance between us. He is learning so much about himself and growing so much as a person it's impressive to watch. That doesn't change things between us - other than allow me to be more forgiving of him. He's trying and I wish him the best going forward.

Goin' Through the Big "D" (and I don't mean Dallas)

I wish I could remember who sang that song... it's country - maybe you know?



Things have been going very well. Steve and I have a tentative date for our court date - 10/9. I am still waiting for the papers from the court. So far it has been relatively painless... the only issue is the house and it not being sold, how to handle that. Once I have more things figured out I will share more... Hopefully by the middle of next week.

My new term for Steve is WASBAND... it doesn't have the sometimes hostile connotations that ex-husband has. I like it, it still cracks me up every time I say it. And my former in-laws are now out-laws, HAHAHA!! funny stuff.

These Boots are Made for Walkin'

I think it's a bit ironic that my fabulous new boots arrive on the day Steve and I have decided to separate. This has been a decision a long time in the making... I have decided that I will find somewhere else to live while we try to sell the house. I will keep you updated here.

Right now I am not ready to talk... although I am not stuffing (my feelings or my face), I am grieving in my own way... I am sitting with my feelings and allowing myself to be as sad, hopeful, strong, tired, hurt and melancholy as I need to be - when I need to be and not trying to be anything for anyone else.

I am having a little flashback to my last break-up of a long-term relationship and cruising around in the car with my sisters Erin and Meagan belting out the disco classic by Gloria Gaynor - I will survive. And I will, I know I will. Now, if I could just get itunes to sell me the dang song, I could add to the soundtrack of my life.

Please keep us in your prayers...
AA Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. That's what we have been doing and what has helped with this decision. We still love each other and hope that this time apart will do what it needs to for our marriage.

Thank you for your love and support.

Candlelight Dinner for 3

This is on the highway in Brunswick (town where I work). The wind blew the semi over!

This is a picture of the Kennebec Tavern that sits on the Kennebec River. It's a little less than a mile from our house. This view is from the parking lot looking out onto the river - and the river that is now in the parking lot!

Maybe you heard about our crazy weather yesterday? I don't think I have ever seen it rain that hard with the wind gusts - up to 80 mph in some areas! We lost power sometime during the day while we were at work (of course, wouldn't you know it - we never lost power at work!) and it was still out when we left this morning. Yeah for a warm shower at the gym!

I am SO glad we have a gas stove... I have always liked it for the cooking reasons, but when the power goes out - as it's known to do in Maine fairly often - I can still cook! We were still able to have a yummy, HOT dinner of Brunswick Stew (minus the biscuits, bummer) which was a treat because it was so cold in the house you could see your breath! I said to Steve and Chris "I swear it's colder in here than it is outside!" Steve told me to "open a window" hardee har har

Tonight I going to try my hand at making spaghetti and meatballs by candlelight... and if we are lucky and have power - maybe I will finish our taxes?