I think I have tossed my peaceful, loving and forgiving attitude out the window... I am in need of an attitude adjustment :) I hate feeling bitter and nasty inside. It's interesting to me how I can vacillate from one day to the next - hell from one hour to the next...
I am going to take a minute and reflect on some of the good things in my life - in no particular order:
amazing friends; a supportive, loving family; the cutest nieces and nephews ever; seeing my family next week!; I am healthy; a car that runs - and is paid for!; a place to live; a job - two jobs - that provide me with paychecks; Al-Anon; therapy; chickalobes, peartinis and beep-bops; my own checking accounts, credit cards and fun girly checks; an expansive wardrobe (although I always complain about nothing to wear); the 5 pounds I've lost; being asked to become an aerobics instructor at the gym; the gym!; my lobster flip flops; white pants for summer; homemade mac & cheese; coffee; setting boundaries for myself!; my desk calendar; my faux voodoo doll that may or may not have the name Steve stuck to it in a particular spot (note to self - get hair clippings for Jordana); my stamps and everything that goes with them; my pink razr cell phone; my pink ipod; pink Hyperion coffee mug; pink water bottle; the color pink in general; new lip gloss (pink); my blog; my thought coach; BNL and EBTG; Arrested Development and most importantly for the ability to have the perspective and insight to know that just because I don't feel fabulous right now - doesn't mean that I'm always going to feel that way and that I will feel better very soon...
whew - it worked! I am starting to feel better already :)
Friday, June 8, 2007
Monday, June 4, 2007
Monday Ramblings
I can't believe it's already June... and I can't believe I haven't posted for over a week.
I don't know where to start... I think will begin with ramblings and see if perhaps I can piece things together into something a little more coherent later.
Work at The Osprey has been slow at best... but it's a little extra money to put gas in the car. Business will pick up just like it did last year, and frankly it's something to keep me busy at night. It's a good place to take my mind of things and think about something else.
Lately I have found myself saying the serenity prayer a lot - for those that have never read it or don't remember it: "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" Last week in Al-Anon we talked about the wisdom to know the difference and I have decided for me the wisdom comes from my higher power... Clearly I am not good at making the wisest choices so by giving my higher power a chance to weigh in things are becoming more clear.
I was talking to my sponsor about some recent developments with Steve (I won't go into them here, they are his to tell) and she said to me: Did you ever think this is God giving you a wake-up call? He (he - for the purpose of discussion my higher power is referred to as he, but I subscribe more to the Erica version "God, Goddess and All that is Good) has been giving you signs for years but you chose to ignore them - here is a kick in the ass you need to make you realize this relationship is not in your best interest. And she is right. It seems like every day I am learning more about myself, what is and is not acceptable, what I need going forward and what I will and will not tolerate...
It sounds a bit trite and condescending, however I am praying for a peaceful and forgiving attitude towards Steve. I don't want to feel bitter and resentful towards him... it does me more harm than anything else. I don't need the ulcers and sleepless nights from the stress, and holding onto those resentments just creates more stress.
A work in progress :)
I don't know where to start... I think will begin with ramblings and see if perhaps I can piece things together into something a little more coherent later.
Work at The Osprey has been slow at best... but it's a little extra money to put gas in the car. Business will pick up just like it did last year, and frankly it's something to keep me busy at night. It's a good place to take my mind of things and think about something else.
Lately I have found myself saying the serenity prayer a lot - for those that have never read it or don't remember it: "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" Last week in Al-Anon we talked about the wisdom to know the difference and I have decided for me the wisdom comes from my higher power... Clearly I am not good at making the wisest choices so by giving my higher power a chance to weigh in things are becoming more clear.
I was talking to my sponsor about some recent developments with Steve (I won't go into them here, they are his to tell) and she said to me: Did you ever think this is God giving you a wake-up call? He (he - for the purpose of discussion my higher power is referred to as he, but I subscribe more to the Erica version "God, Goddess and All that is Good) has been giving you signs for years but you chose to ignore them - here is a kick in the ass you need to make you realize this relationship is not in your best interest. And she is right. It seems like every day I am learning more about myself, what is and is not acceptable, what I need going forward and what I will and will not tolerate...
It sounds a bit trite and condescending, however I am praying for a peaceful and forgiving attitude towards Steve. I don't want to feel bitter and resentful towards him... it does me more harm than anything else. I don't need the ulcers and sleepless nights from the stress, and holding onto those resentments just creates more stress.
A work in progress :)
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