Today my calendar says:
"An Inner Bitch Reminder: If no one knows what you want, they won't be able to deliver. It's up to you to let your wishes be known."
I love that! There is an Al-Anon saying, "Expectations are preconceived disappointments" basically saying the same thing as the calendar does. I can't hold someone responsible for information they aren't given. And it's okay to let someone know what I want - last night I was given an array of dinner options and I was able to tell Erica, I really want pizza, rather than saying, I don't care, whatever you want... granted that was a tiny little thing, but I did it (baby steps) and I think it's easier to do when it is someone I feel safe with, someone who I know loves me no matter what.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Monday Ramblings...
Not always my favorite day of the week... the work week looming ahead... the end of the weekend... ugh.
We have been "separated" for 3 nights and 2 days and I feel like it has been weeks... we have talked, we have seen each other and it has been good - a little awkward at times, but good. I have been doing my best to keep my head up and think positive... look forward, not back and try to take care of myself - something I am not good at, but I am slowly learning. Tomorrow I am getting my first facial ever! And a haircut... I have asked Vivian to keep reminding me that no, I really don't want to chop off all my hair right now :) although it kind of feels like I do want to.
I am still waiting to hear from my friend Sarah about renting a couple rooms in her house, which would be ideal... not living alone, but not having to share close quarters either... if that doesn't work out I will apt. hunting again... I haven't done that for so long. I am so fortunate to have such loving friends and family who care about me and want the best for me. I stayed at Pete & Viv's Friday and Saturday... got to spend some good time with Viv and Nadia on Saturday. Nadia cracks me up, she's a good distraction. Yesterday afternoon I went to Erica & Roy's in Portland where I will stay until I find a more permanent place to live. They are so sweet, offering for a day, a week, a month or longer... of course I have no intention of taking advantage of them, it was nice to have the offer.
I could keep babbling on, but I will save something for later.
We have been "separated" for 3 nights and 2 days and I feel like it has been weeks... we have talked, we have seen each other and it has been good - a little awkward at times, but good. I have been doing my best to keep my head up and think positive... look forward, not back and try to take care of myself - something I am not good at, but I am slowly learning. Tomorrow I am getting my first facial ever! And a haircut... I have asked Vivian to keep reminding me that no, I really don't want to chop off all my hair right now :) although it kind of feels like I do want to.
I am still waiting to hear from my friend Sarah about renting a couple rooms in her house, which would be ideal... not living alone, but not having to share close quarters either... if that doesn't work out I will apt. hunting again... I haven't done that for so long. I am so fortunate to have such loving friends and family who care about me and want the best for me. I stayed at Pete & Viv's Friday and Saturday... got to spend some good time with Viv and Nadia on Saturday. Nadia cracks me up, she's a good distraction. Yesterday afternoon I went to Erica & Roy's in Portland where I will stay until I find a more permanent place to live. They are so sweet, offering for a day, a week, a month or longer... of course I have no intention of taking advantage of them, it was nice to have the offer.
I could keep babbling on, but I will save something for later.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
These Boots are Made for Walkin'
I think it's a bit ironic that my fabulous new boots arrive on the day Steve and I have decided to separate. This has been a decision a long time in the making... I have decided that I will find somewhere else to live while we try to sell the house. I will keep you updated here.
Right now I am not ready to talk... although I am not stuffing (my feelings or my face), I am grieving in my own way... I am sitting with my feelings and allowing myself to be as sad, hopeful, strong, tired, hurt and melancholy as I need to be - when I need to be and not trying to be anything for anyone else.
I am having a little flashback to my last break-up of a long-term relationship and cruising around in the car with my sisters Erin and Meagan belting out the disco classic by Gloria Gaynor - I will survive. And I will, I know I will. Now, if I could just get itunes to sell me the dang song, I could add to the soundtrack of my life.
Please keep us in your prayers...
AA Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. That's what we have been doing and what has helped with this decision. We still love each other and hope that this time apart will do what it needs to for our marriage.
Thank you for your love and support.
Right now I am not ready to talk... although I am not stuffing (my feelings or my face), I am grieving in my own way... I am sitting with my feelings and allowing myself to be as sad, hopeful, strong, tired, hurt and melancholy as I need to be - when I need to be and not trying to be anything for anyone else.
I am having a little flashback to my last break-up of a long-term relationship and cruising around in the car with my sisters Erin and Meagan belting out the disco classic by Gloria Gaynor - I will survive. And I will, I know I will. Now, if I could just get itunes to sell me the dang song, I could add to the soundtrack of my life.
Please keep us in your prayers...
AA Step 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. That's what we have been doing and what has helped with this decision. We still love each other and hope that this time apart will do what it needs to for our marriage.
Thank you for your love and support.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Toxic Niceness
My Getting In Touch with Your Inner Bitch desk calendar talks about "Toxic Niceness" I love that phrase - Toxic Niceness. I take this as being nice - too nice, just to be too nice... at the detriment of myself.
It suggests that instead of saying no (which is sometimes hard) try saying "I don't think so" Period. No further discussion is needed. I don't need to explain why I can't do something I really don't want to do. That's where the Toxic Niceness comes in - I would usually say yes - even if my gut was saying no :)
For 4/28 and 4/29 it says:
An Inner Bitch Rule of Engagement: State the facts that actually relate to a specific conflict. Your Inner Bitch knows that saving up resentments as ammo for an argument is a sign of Toxic Niceness, so keep the fact that you've done the laundry for the last month out of the discussion about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom.
I am guilty of that... I don't say anything for so long then I just erupt! Something else to work on... My work on myself is becoming a full time job! :)
It suggests that instead of saying no (which is sometimes hard) try saying "I don't think so" Period. No further discussion is needed. I don't need to explain why I can't do something I really don't want to do. That's where the Toxic Niceness comes in - I would usually say yes - even if my gut was saying no :)
For 4/28 and 4/29 it says:
An Inner Bitch Rule of Engagement: State the facts that actually relate to a specific conflict. Your Inner Bitch knows that saving up resentments as ammo for an argument is a sign of Toxic Niceness, so keep the fact that you've done the laundry for the last month out of the discussion about whose turn it is to clean the bathroom.
I am guilty of that... I don't say anything for so long then I just erupt! Something else to work on... My work on myself is becoming a full time job! :)
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Little Shopping Spree
I finally got a new cell phone! And it was FREE.99!! (I got that from Steve, he says that and it cracks me up) It is so snazzy and I can't wait to take pictures of people so when they call me their picture will show up as the caller ID! Too fun... it doesn't take much to impress me :)
And if that wasn't exciting enough, I bought the boots! I figured since I have been thinking about them for months and I start working at the Osprey in less than a month... and I just paid off my credit card... and they will last for years and years, and they will go with most of my wardrobe... yeah, as you can tell I am still trying to justify this purchase a bit. Evelyn at work told me I was "materialistic" and I think that is the first time I have ever been called that! Eh, there's a first time for everything :)I need to pace myself! I think that's all the shopping/excitement I will be able to handle for a couple months...
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Al-Anon Forgiveness
As is the case with my other Al-Anon posts, this could be of no interest to anyone but me.
Today in my Al-Anon meeting the topic was forgiveness, how do you do it, what are the effects, etc.
Someone in the meeting said that to truly forgive you have to have no expectations for the person you are forgiving. Meaning, by accepting this apology I expect him stay and not leave me, I expect that he will still love me, etc. Perhaps to truly understand that reasoning you need to be a co-dependant person. How do you know if you are co dependant? When you die and someone else's life flashes before your eyes. hahaha, that "joke" always cracks me up.
In Al-Anon we are encouraged to keep the focus on ourselves and not on the alcoholic. It's only taken me 18 months, but I am finally starting to get it. I have been a "stuffer" my whole life, I stuff my feelings until they overflow... like a volcano. I have always stuffed my feelings and forgiven in order to keep the peace, keep others happy, keep a stupid boyfriend, etc. and now that I am starting to feel my feelings I am deciding there are things I am not ready to forgive. And for once - it's okay. I am learning to think for myself and do a little mental check in - by forgiving this person am I compromising myself? Am I doing this to make them feel better at my own expense?
This is a process for me that could take a while, but it needs to be done. Dynamics in my relationships are bound to change as I start stand on my own, and begin to work through my co dependency... just as they should
Today in my Al-Anon meeting the topic was forgiveness, how do you do it, what are the effects, etc.
Someone in the meeting said that to truly forgive you have to have no expectations for the person you are forgiving. Meaning, by accepting this apology I expect him stay and not leave me, I expect that he will still love me, etc. Perhaps to truly understand that reasoning you need to be a co-dependant person. How do you know if you are co dependant? When you die and someone else's life flashes before your eyes. hahaha, that "joke" always cracks me up.
In Al-Anon we are encouraged to keep the focus on ourselves and not on the alcoholic. It's only taken me 18 months, but I am finally starting to get it. I have been a "stuffer" my whole life, I stuff my feelings until they overflow... like a volcano. I have always stuffed my feelings and forgiven in order to keep the peace, keep others happy, keep a stupid boyfriend, etc. and now that I am starting to feel my feelings I am deciding there are things I am not ready to forgive. And for once - it's okay. I am learning to think for myself and do a little mental check in - by forgiving this person am I compromising myself? Am I doing this to make them feel better at my own expense?
This is a process for me that could take a while, but it needs to be done. Dynamics in my relationships are bound to change as I start stand on my own, and begin to work through my co dependency... just as they should
Metaphors
On my google homepage I have it set up to give me a joke of the day from Comedy Central, and today the joke (if you can call it that?) was "What are Metaphors?" Here were the couple that cracked me up the most:
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart
reversing.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter."
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayon.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
They are pretty cheesy, but I think that's why I liked them :)
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
She was as easy as the Daily Star crossword.
It was a working class tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with their power tools.
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a dustcart
reversing.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever seen before.
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter from "I Can't Believe
It's Not Butter."
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red crayon.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
They are pretty cheesy, but I think that's why I liked them :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Self-Talk, my Inner Dialog
I am constantly bombarding myself with negative self-talk, talking down to myself and saying things to myself that I wouldn't say to anyone - ever - no matter how much I dislike that person, but here I am saying those things to myself... I haven't been able to stop it...
Then Meagan introduced me to the website My Thought Coach. I LOVE IT! It is all positive affirmations and meditations that you can download to your ipod - it was so easy even I could do it. I have created a morning meditation and an bedtime meditation, along with several others. It is so cheap $6.95 a month - unlimited use of the site and you get special downloads for being a "member".
Since I have started listening - every chance I get - I have started to notice a positive change in my self-talk... I am not giving myself glowing reviews - YET, but I have only been listening since Friday and I think it's just going to get better.
I know I sound like an Infomertial and I don't even care! I love it and I want other people to know about it too :)
Then Meagan introduced me to the website My Thought Coach. I LOVE IT! It is all positive affirmations and meditations that you can download to your ipod - it was so easy even I could do it. I have created a morning meditation and an bedtime meditation, along with several others. It is so cheap $6.95 a month - unlimited use of the site and you get special downloads for being a "member".
Since I have started listening - every chance I get - I have started to notice a positive change in my self-talk... I am not giving myself glowing reviews - YET, but I have only been listening since Friday and I think it's just going to get better.
I know I sound like an Infomertial and I don't even care! I love it and I want other people to know about it too :)
Monday, April 23, 2007
End of the Season
Saturday was my last day skiing for the season. Sugarloaf will be open 1 more weekend, but I am over it! It was SO warm! There were people skiing in shorts and t-shirts... I wasn't one of them so I was roasting! So, I skied my 3 runs and called it a day :) Look how much snow there still is - and it was 70 degrees!
It was great to sit outside with our friends on "the beach" and enjoy the beautiful afternoon... This season was really good - not too much ice (people from Utah are saying what? ice?) and never so bitter cold you couldn't stand to be outside. But after 5 months and a couple weeks, I am ready for spring/summer.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Earth Day
"So that they will respect the land, tell your children that the earth is rich with the lives of our kin. Teach your children what we have taught our children, that the earth is our mother. Whatever befalls the earth, befalls the sons of the earth. If men spit upon the ground, they spit upon themselves." - Native American wisdom
I really liked this saying and wanted to pass it on. My mother gave me this desk calendar for Christmas called "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch" All this time I thought my Inner Bitch and I were the best of friends! Apparently that isn't the case. The calendar is all about standing up for yourself, believing in yourself with some sassy quotes thrown in for good measure. Every now and again there will be some more deep and meaningful quotes/days.
I really liked this saying and wanted to pass it on. My mother gave me this desk calendar for Christmas called "Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch" All this time I thought my Inner Bitch and I were the best of friends! Apparently that isn't the case. The calendar is all about standing up for yourself, believing in yourself with some sassy quotes thrown in for good measure. Every now and again there will be some more deep and meaningful quotes/days.
Friday, April 20, 2007
A Tad Premature?
I couldn't help myself! I had been SO cold for a week that when I heard today was going to be in the high 50's - I got a little crazy and decided to wear the new flops that Meagan gave me ---->
aren't they the cutest!? I am even wearing capri pants! See, that's the funny thing about Mainers - at the first sign of spring (any day over 40 degrees) you will start seeing people without coats... some short sleeve shirts here and there, then once it gets to be in the 50's it's like a summer day! sandals, shorts, capris, jeez a woman in my office was wearing a sleeveless shirt with her capris! Considering we spend 6+ months out of the year at 30 degrees or less, anything over 50 is a heat wave!
Let's just hope it stays this way...
Thursday, April 19, 2007
YIPPEE!!
WE HAVE POWER! Luckily it warmed up a bit last night - and I didn't go home until it was time to go to bed so I didn't mind quite as much.
I was counting my many blessings last night - my home wasn't washed away in flood waters, or get flooded, nor did a tree fall on it, I don't have children (besides my big boys Steve & Chris) I needed to worry about without power for 4 days when it was so cold. I knew my power would come back on unlike people who live in places where they don't have or can't afford electricity... I actually have a home! I have loving a loving family and friends who would take us in if need be.
I am truly blessed.
I was counting my many blessings last night - my home wasn't washed away in flood waters, or get flooded, nor did a tree fall on it, I don't have children (besides my big boys Steve & Chris) I needed to worry about without power for 4 days when it was so cold. I knew my power would come back on unlike people who live in places where they don't have or can't afford electricity... I actually have a home! I have loving a loving family and friends who would take us in if need be.
I am truly blessed.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Getting to know (a little about) me
I got this from my sister Corinne's blog
For hours and hours I could...
read a book
sit on the beach
stamp
I feel best about myself...
when I work-out
when I am a good friend
when I accomplish a goal
I absolutely cannot stand...
rude "customer service professionals" (I use the term loosely)
raw onions
warm beer
I am afraid of...
drowning
failing
I love to splurge by...
going out to dinner
shopping
I save by...
rarely paying full price for anything (super bargain shopper!)
living in an old, tiny house
driving an older car
I am trying to work on...
asking for help
not being taken advantage of
being true to myself
In high school...
I was in a competitive show choir
I worked at the Mandarin
I was able to GRADUATE!! (with a lot of summer school, and help in math from Sue and my sister Erin)
In college...
hmmm... I only went for 2 semesters
I busted my butt to pass Math 101 - and didn't!
LOVED my history class
I feel I'm a good mom when...
When my two big boys (Steve 38 & Chris 39) are well fed and happy
I regret...
I don't have regrets, I have experiences in my life I have learned from... choices I have made - some good, some not so good...
I could never have too many...
friends
laughs
good times
For hours and hours I could...
read a book
sit on the beach
stamp
I feel best about myself...
when I work-out
when I am a good friend
when I accomplish a goal
I absolutely cannot stand...
rude "customer service professionals" (I use the term loosely)
raw onions
warm beer
I am afraid of...
drowning
failing
I love to splurge by...
going out to dinner
shopping
I save by...
rarely paying full price for anything (super bargain shopper!)
living in an old, tiny house
driving an older car
I am trying to work on...
asking for help
not being taken advantage of
being true to myself
In high school...
I was in a competitive show choir
I worked at the Mandarin
I was able to GRADUATE!! (with a lot of summer school, and help in math from Sue and my sister Erin)
In college...
hmmm... I only went for 2 semesters
I busted my butt to pass Math 101 - and didn't!
LOVED my history class
I feel I'm a good mom when...
When my two big boys (Steve 38 & Chris 39) are well fed and happy
I regret...
I don't have regrets, I have experiences in my life I have learned from... choices I have made - some good, some not so good...
I could never have too many...
friends
laughs
good times
OVER IT!
At first it was a bit of an adventure... now it is just a big pain in the butt! For two nights I have cooked by flashlight and ate dinner in the "ice box" a.k.a my house, boiled water to wash dishes in and gone to bed at 7:00 out of sheer boredom (and I was freakin' freezing!)... I am ready for a warm bed, and a warm meal - not cooked by me! I told Steve we would be eating out tonight, I would decide where :) I won't even get started on missing my shows! Steve was headed to the YMCA last night to take a shower and he asked if I wanted to go. "Why would I want to go?" He said "because there is heat and light". I was ready to go before he was.
I would have NEVER made it as a pioneer... Anna from the gym who has two little kids said "at first it was fun to play Little House on the Prairie, now I want my lights on". Chris said (as he was wrapped in a blanket with a ski coat and winter hat watching his breath plumes, while standing in the kitchen and warming his hands on the stove) "the novelty has worn off"...
Every prayer I say includes how grateful I am for my house, and all the luxuries I have. I know it is pretty pathetic to bitch about not having power for a couple days when there are much bigger problems all over. This is trivial in the big scheme of things... I think I needed a reminder of how lucky I really am. And here it is.
I would have NEVER made it as a pioneer... Anna from the gym who has two little kids said "at first it was fun to play Little House on the Prairie, now I want my lights on". Chris said (as he was wrapped in a blanket with a ski coat and winter hat watching his breath plumes, while standing in the kitchen and warming his hands on the stove) "the novelty has worn off"...
Every prayer I say includes how grateful I am for my house, and all the luxuries I have. I know it is pretty pathetic to bitch about not having power for a couple days when there are much bigger problems all over. This is trivial in the big scheme of things... I think I needed a reminder of how lucky I really am. And here it is.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Candlelight Dinner for 3
This is on the highway in Brunswick (town where I work). The wind blew the semi over! 
This is a picture of the Kennebec Tavern that sits on the Kennebec River. It's a little less than a mile from our house. This view is from the parking lot looking out onto the river - and the river that is now in the parking lot!
Maybe you heard about our crazy weather yesterday? I don't think I have ever seen it rain that hard with the wind gusts - up to 80 mph in some areas! We lost power sometime during the day while we were at work (of course, wouldn't you know it - we never lost power at work!) and it was still out when we left this morning. Yeah for a warm shower at the gym!
I am SO glad we have a gas stove... I have always liked it for the cooking reasons, but when the power goes out - as it's known to do in Maine fairly often - I can still cook! We were still able to have a yummy, HOT dinner of Brunswick Stew (minus the biscuits, bummer) which was a treat because it was so cold in the house you could see your breath! I said to Steve and Chris "I swear it's colder in here than it is outside!" Steve told me to "open a window" hardee har har
Tonight I going to try my hand at making spaghetti and meatballs by candlelight... and if we are lucky and have power - maybe I will finish our taxes?
Monday, April 16, 2007
Reggae Festival!
It's pretty hard to see me, but I am sure I'm in there somewhere :) This year was the biggest Reggae Festival Sugarloaf has ever had! Usually by this time there aren't many runs open because it is getting so warm, but this was not the case! The mountain was 100% open - and still is! Sugarloaf has had 30+ inches of snow since last Friday... and it's scheduled to close this weekend :(
Who said global warming? (that's just a joke, I have seen "the movie" and am fully aware of the seriousness of the situation)
For Reggae Festival the bands play outside at "the beach" (which is where that picture was taken) during the day and inside at night. As you can see there are a ton of people! Did some good skiing and had a great time with the usual suspects Nancy, Jason, Chris, Stacy, Gus, Skipper, Hippy Jim, and got to know Deb and Chelsea a little better - good times!
Next year is the 20th Anniversary Reggae Festival - book your rooms now!
Friday, April 13, 2007
One of those days
And I don't mean that in a bad way! Do you ever have a day where you feel great because you have accomplished so many things you wanted to? Yesterday was one of those days for me! I don't usually have them so I figured I had better write about it...
Woke up at 4:20 and did not want to go to the gym... I just wasn't feeling it, especially when I started thinking about all the things I needed to do. I dragged my bum out of bed (still feeling tired from watching tv the night before) and got going. I did 3 loads of laundry, dishes, vacuumed and took a walk - all before 7:00am!! After work? Went to the grocery store, finished laundry (yeah, there was that much) made mac & cheese and cupcakes to take to Sugarloaf this weekend and started our taxes! (why rush these things?... I wait until the last possible moment - obviously!) all before 9:30 when I collapsed into bed.
Now I feel I have license to slack off for the rest of the week :)
Woke up at 4:20 and did not want to go to the gym... I just wasn't feeling it, especially when I started thinking about all the things I needed to do. I dragged my bum out of bed (still feeling tired from watching tv the night before) and got going. I did 3 loads of laundry, dishes, vacuumed and took a walk - all before 7:00am!! After work? Went to the grocery store, finished laundry (yeah, there was that much) made mac & cheese and cupcakes to take to Sugarloaf this weekend and started our taxes! (why rush these things?... I wait until the last possible moment - obviously!) all before 9:30 when I collapsed into bed.
Now I feel I have license to slack off for the rest of the week :)
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Guilty Pleasures
I am going to admit it - right here and now. I have been SUCKED into a couple of so-called "reality" tv shows... here are my 4 in the order I watch them and who I want to win:
1. Dancing with the Starts (Ian Ziering or Joey Fatone)
2. American Idol (Blake or Jordin?)
3. America's Next Top Model (Dionne or Jaslene)
4. Search for the Next Doll (Melissa S. - because Anastasia is gone)
In my defence - I never watched these shows until I spent two weeks at Meagan's house where we watched just a little bit of tv ;) But now! I can't miss an episode! I stay up too late watching - then I am too tired the next morning! Next season I am getting digital cable so I don't have to lose my beauty rest over this crap.
But tell me - I can't be the only one, right? Don't you have a guilty pleasure tv show? (we will discuss other guilty pleasures in weeks to come) Please share...
1. Dancing with the Starts (Ian Ziering or Joey Fatone)
2. American Idol (Blake or Jordin?)
3. America's Next Top Model (Dionne or Jaslene)
4. Search for the Next Doll (Melissa S. - because Anastasia is gone)
In my defence - I never watched these shows until I spent two weeks at Meagan's house where we watched just a little bit of tv ;) But now! I can't miss an episode! I stay up too late watching - then I am too tired the next morning! Next season I am getting digital cable so I don't have to lose my beauty rest over this crap.
But tell me - I can't be the only one, right? Don't you have a guilty pleasure tv show? (we will discuss other guilty pleasures in weeks to come) Please share...
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Al-Anon Insight
This post might be too much, too boring or too unrelated for most. I don't know why I don't typically write about this stuff (for the previously mentioned reasons perhaps?)... suddenly I felt like I needed to. More for my own reasons that for people to read. I need to be able to read it later.
I attend Al-Anon meetings. My favorite meeting is on Wednesday mornings at the Seventh Day Adventist Church. (Although Al-Anon is in no way religiously affiliated, it seems like most meetings are in churches.) It is a large group, around 30 people and it stays on track and focused which I really like. A lot of other meetings I have been to felt like a big bitch session about the "alcoholic" and this group doesn't. How is complaining helpful? What is it changing? I have said so many times, I really wish I would have found Al-Anon BEFORE Steve stopped drinking. I could have saved myself years of grief and resentment. I am learning ways to deal/cope with all situations in my life - not just those related to alcoholics.
Yesterday the topic was Detachment, and the concept of detaching with love... something I have yet to master... okay, honestly? really even use. Detaching is allowing a person to be responsible for their own actions - no matter how badly they are hurting themselves (which is the hardest time.) It is not trying to control any and every situation.
I am able to "detach" with manipulation, with nagging, crying and the most used - indifference. The indifference is what I was interpreting as detaching with love... because I wasn't nagging, manipulating or crying, I was just ignoring. But really... is ignoring loving? And I am not actually detaching if I am employing my former techniques, am I? (rhetorical question)
I am FINALLY learning I don't have to fix everything - I can't fix everything, no matter how hard I try. I think that is part of an oldest child thing... or maybe it's just my personality? a combo? I don't need to jump in every time someone makes a comment about something they need to do - I don't have to offer to help. I can wait to be asked! How is that for a concept... I don't have to give "advice" on everything. In our opening it says "In Al-Anon, we don't give advice, we share our experience, strength and hope." Hearing the "old timers" and how far they have grown in their relationships with themselves and others. Gives me hope. :) I have met amazing people in the program and am so grateful for Al-Anon.
I attend Al-Anon meetings. My favorite meeting is on Wednesday mornings at the Seventh Day Adventist Church. (Although Al-Anon is in no way religiously affiliated, it seems like most meetings are in churches.) It is a large group, around 30 people and it stays on track and focused which I really like. A lot of other meetings I have been to felt like a big bitch session about the "alcoholic" and this group doesn't. How is complaining helpful? What is it changing? I have said so many times, I really wish I would have found Al-Anon BEFORE Steve stopped drinking. I could have saved myself years of grief and resentment. I am learning ways to deal/cope with all situations in my life - not just those related to alcoholics.
Yesterday the topic was Detachment, and the concept of detaching with love... something I have yet to master... okay, honestly? really even use. Detaching is allowing a person to be responsible for their own actions - no matter how badly they are hurting themselves (which is the hardest time.) It is not trying to control any and every situation.
I am able to "detach" with manipulation, with nagging, crying and the most used - indifference. The indifference is what I was interpreting as detaching with love... because I wasn't nagging, manipulating or crying, I was just ignoring. But really... is ignoring loving? And I am not actually detaching if I am employing my former techniques, am I? (rhetorical question)
I am FINALLY learning I don't have to fix everything - I can't fix everything, no matter how hard I try. I think that is part of an oldest child thing... or maybe it's just my personality? a combo? I don't need to jump in every time someone makes a comment about something they need to do - I don't have to offer to help. I can wait to be asked! How is that for a concept... I don't have to give "advice" on everything. In our opening it says "In Al-Anon, we don't give advice, we share our experience, strength and hope." Hearing the "old timers" and how far they have grown in their relationships with themselves and others. Gives me hope. :) I have met amazing people in the program and am so grateful for Al-Anon.
Monday, April 9, 2007
Happy Easter!
We had a great time with Steve's family on Easter. We went to Renee & Payne's house in New Gloucester, ME. Wish The Mother could have been there, but she wasn't feeling well. Steve's family cracks me up, we have such a good time together. The nephews are getting so big. If you get a chance - ask me about Simon's (my nephew) fish... a bit of a grown-up story I won't post here so as not to offend anyone :)
A little bunny named Leah (a friend, not The Mother) gave me some pink peeps! I don't think I have had a little something on Easter since I lived at my Dad's house and the Easter Bunny would bring us kids a little something wrapped in white tissue paper and decorated with ribbon and Snoopy stickers... not to mention massive amounts of candy. Mrs. Bartlett (Chris' mother) gave me some adorable dish towels with little chicks embroidered on them... wrapped in white tissue and tied with a yellow ribbon!! - it was just like being a kid again!
A little bunny named Leah (a friend, not The Mother) gave me some pink peeps! I don't think I have had a little something on Easter since I lived at my Dad's house and the Easter Bunny would bring us kids a little something wrapped in white tissue paper and decorated with ribbon and Snoopy stickers... not to mention massive amounts of candy. Mrs. Bartlett (Chris' mother) gave me some adorable dish towels with little chicks embroidered on them... wrapped in white tissue and tied with a yellow ribbon!! - it was just like being a kid again!
Saturday, April 7, 2007
Hitched without a hitch
I can't believe it! I FINALLY coordinated a wedding - and got PAID for it!! It went well, only 1 tiny snafu... the deck was supposed to be cleared of snow and it wasn't. I am so pleased, and inspired to start doing it more seriously. My friend Chris teases me about how much I love weddings. He says my being a wedding coordinator is like an alcoholic owning a bar...
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Good to be home
Although it was touch and go there for a bit! Flying has become such a hassle... I suppose if I was a person who didn't wear make-up or shower on a regular basis it wouldn't be as big of a deal, but I can't do a carry-on anymore unless I either buy new make-up, shampoo, conditioner, etc. or go without. I can't fit all my products into the 3 oz containers that then fit into ONE quart size bag! I digress...
My sweet little brother Christopher said he would take me to the airport for my trip home, he had his Google map and we were all set to go. The trip should take about 45 minutes and we had left 2 hours early... yeah, the Google map was wrong. We ended up in a residential neighborhood a good 45 minutes from the airport, with my plane leaving in 45 minutes. I called JetBlue to discuss my options should I miss my flight... it (yes, there was really only 1 option) was a flight home the next day for $180. I was FREAKING out inside - but I kept my cool, I felt bad that Chris was so stressed out... once we got there I checked in, and the plane was still there - all I had to do was get to the gate... through the security line from hell. Finally I got through it and ran (as much as I run?) as fast as I could in inappropriate footwear. I got there just in time to see the plane pull away from the gate... at this point I am crying - not for missing my plane, but for the $180 it's going to cost me to get home! The woman behind the counter must have felt sorry for the mascara smeared, sweat stained, red faced freak standing in front of her and helped me out. Booked me on a flight the next day - confirmed seat, not even stand by - FOR FREE!! I was very pleased with my JetBlue experience.
Chris took me back to Meagan's for another last night (and some P.F. Chang's!). The only real bummer was the fact that the airline still had my bag... did I mention I hate not being able to carry-on luggage? :)
As Chris and I were touring some fine areas in Virginia, I was thinking that our little road trip was the most time we have spent together - 1 on 1 - since he was a little boy and we still lived in Utah... a couple of years before the move to D.C. He has grown into such an amazing, smart, handsome young man that I am proud to have for a brother. Thanks again for the ride and excellent conversation big guy.
My sweet little brother Christopher said he would take me to the airport for my trip home, he had his Google map and we were all set to go. The trip should take about 45 minutes and we had left 2 hours early... yeah, the Google map was wrong. We ended up in a residential neighborhood a good 45 minutes from the airport, with my plane leaving in 45 minutes. I called JetBlue to discuss my options should I miss my flight... it (yes, there was really only 1 option) was a flight home the next day for $180. I was FREAKING out inside - but I kept my cool, I felt bad that Chris was so stressed out... once we got there I checked in, and the plane was still there - all I had to do was get to the gate... through the security line from hell. Finally I got through it and ran (as much as I run?) as fast as I could in inappropriate footwear. I got there just in time to see the plane pull away from the gate... at this point I am crying - not for missing my plane, but for the $180 it's going to cost me to get home! The woman behind the counter must have felt sorry for the mascara smeared, sweat stained, red faced freak standing in front of her and helped me out. Booked me on a flight the next day - confirmed seat, not even stand by - FOR FREE!! I was very pleased with my JetBlue experience.
Chris took me back to Meagan's for another last night (and some P.F. Chang's!). The only real bummer was the fact that the airline still had my bag... did I mention I hate not being able to carry-on luggage? :)
As Chris and I were touring some fine areas in Virginia, I was thinking that our little road trip was the most time we have spent together - 1 on 1 - since he was a little boy and we still lived in Utah... a couple of years before the move to D.C. He has grown into such an amazing, smart, handsome young man that I am proud to have for a brother. Thanks again for the ride and excellent conversation big guy.
My Visit with AleBaBa
I spent 10 fun filled days and late nights in Columbia, MD with my beautiful new niece Alexandra, Meagan & Jon. I can't believe how attached to her I am. I love everything about her and can't wait to see her again. She makes the funniest faces!
Meagan & Jon are doing such a good job with their little one. Jon is a HUGE help, waits on Meagan when he is home like her personal assistant, it was so sweet - not to mention the nighttime feedings he does, lots of diapers and some fun carrying techniques.
Alexandra is growing like crazy and is such a good baby, I can't thank Meagan and Jon enough for letting me spend so much time with them. It was such a treat for me.St. Patrick's Day
I can't believe my last post was the middle of March... how time has flown by! I will back track a bit...
Saturday 3/17/07 we celebrated St. Patrick's Day with our friends the Senecal's and their son Chase who had his first birthday! I can't believe he is already a year old. He is so cute and personable!
That night my girlfriend Nancy Riggs and I volunteered at the Sweetser Auction. We did it last year and had a great time. Our job was to sell the 50/50 raffle tickets so we get to mingle, and talk to a lot of people. What made part of the day/afternoon an bit of an adventure was the power outage at our house! The auction is a bit of a fancy affair so we needed to get dressed up, much thanks to Vivian for letting us get ready (and the wine) at her beautiful home before heading to the birthday party.
I donated handmade gift cards (duh, should have taken a picture of them!) and they sold for $45!! Granted the first bottle of maple syrup made by the kids at the Sweetser School went for over $300... I think people just really want to give. And I am glad they do since it pays my salary! Gotta love a not for profit work environment!
Saturday 3/17/07 we celebrated St. Patrick's Day with our friends the Senecal's and their son Chase who had his first birthday! I can't believe he is already a year old. He is so cute and personable!
That night my girlfriend Nancy Riggs and I volunteered at the Sweetser Auction. We did it last year and had a great time. Our job was to sell the 50/50 raffle tickets so we get to mingle, and talk to a lot of people. What made part of the day/afternoon an bit of an adventure was the power outage at our house! The auction is a bit of a fancy affair so we needed to get dressed up, much thanks to Vivian for letting us get ready (and the wine) at her beautiful home before heading to the birthday party.
I donated handmade gift cards (duh, should have taken a picture of them!) and they sold for $45!! Granted the first bottle of maple syrup made by the kids at the Sweetser School went for over $300... I think people just really want to give. And I am glad they do since it pays my salary! Gotta love a not for profit work environment!
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