Monday Ramblings

I can't believe it's already June... and I can't believe I haven't posted for over a week.

I don't know where to start... I think will begin with ramblings and see if perhaps I can piece things together into something a little more coherent later.

Work at The Osprey has been slow at best... but it's a little extra money to put gas in the car. Business will pick up just like it did last year, and frankly it's something to keep me busy at night. It's a good place to take my mind of things and think about something else.

Lately I have found myself saying the serenity prayer a lot - for those that have never read it or don't remember it: "God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference" Last week in Al-Anon we talked about the wisdom to know the difference and I have decided for me the wisdom comes from my higher power... Clearly I am not good at making the wisest choices so by giving my higher power a chance to weigh in things are becoming more clear.

I was talking to my sponsor about some recent developments with Steve (I won't go into them here, they are his to tell) and she said to me: Did you ever think this is God giving you a wake-up call? He (he - for the purpose of discussion my higher power is referred to as he, but I subscribe more to the Erica version "God, Goddess and All that is Good) has been giving you signs for years but you chose to ignore them - here is a kick in the ass you need to make you realize this relationship is not in your best interest. And she is right. It seems like every day I am learning more about myself, what is and is not acceptable, what I need going forward and what I will and will not tolerate...

It sounds a bit trite and condescending, however I am praying for a peaceful and forgiving attitude towards Steve. I don't want to feel bitter and resentful towards him... it does me more harm than anything else. I don't need the ulcers and sleepless nights from the stress, and holding onto those resentments just creates more stress.

A work in progress :)