Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

This is Jordana (also known as my Wifey) and I on our way to a Halloween party last Saturday night. The parties were a tad lame, but we had fun regardless - we always do!

It's Too Much!

(that title is for you Viv)




I am a little (putting it mildly) stressed about my living situation. I decided to move back into the house... felt like a great decision at the time. Steve will pay 1/2 the mortgage I will pay the other 1/2 and the utilities... I don't have to move so that is a stress reliever. However the plans have changed. Not Steve's fault and I don't want to come across like I am blaming him.



He was supposed to leave on 11/5. I moved into the house this past weekend and the Wasband was very helpful... over lunch he informed me that departure date is not happening. It's looking like it will be closer to the 17th - that's if everything goes according to plan (when does it ever?) I had already been planning on staying in Lewiston with Alex (outlaw nephew) while Lise & Greg (outlaws) are in Italy - through 11/5. Sweet deal for me, a place to stay - a NICE place to stay and a little bit of time with one of my favorite nephews. I was all set to be back in the house on the 5th, whether Steve was ready to go or not. He was going to stay with a friend. Now THAT fell through. It was suggested that we stay at the house together - um no.


Yeah we are getting along better than ever. Yes we talk almost every day; but no, I do not want to live with him again - and I am sure he doesn't want to live with me either, we were just trying to figure out how we can both be happy until he goes. So now I live out of a suitcase thinking of what friends I can beg a couch off 0f. Thankfully I am gone quite a bit in November, so that helps... you are wondering why he isn't finding a place to stay? I offered to stay elsewhere so I wouldn't have to pay rent :) I am putting that off for as long as possible, hehe

Dates, Dates and More Dates

"It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all." ~ Dixie Carter


Ain't that the truth!? My dating life lately has been interesting to say the least.

I guess I am no longer seeing The Fisherman since neither one of us have called each other in 2 weeks... I would say it just fizzled out and I am happy I didn't have to have a discussion about not seeing each other anymore, clearly he felt the same way! hahaha

This past weekend Boston was supposed to come up... I don't think I have written about him. At first I didn't want to jinx it by talking about it too much but it's blatantly obvious he just isn't that into me. When we are together we have a really good time. He is an excellent host/tour guide in Boston and we go to great places... however I think for him out of sight, out of mind is a factor. He doesn't see me often so he forgets about me? I don't know... I was holding out hope because we have known each other for a couple years, knows a lot of my friends and is fun to be with. When he was up here the last time he commented on how much weight I had lost (not really that much, but I love that he noticed). In Boston we were getting ready to go to dinner, I was wearing a fabulous dress and when we were on the elevator he said "seriously, how much weight have you lost" with a bit of concern in his voice and I told him, it's only been 18 pounds or so he responded with "Well, I don't think you should loose anymore, you are perfect just the way you are" Maybe you had to be there, but the way he said it - I almost started crying. Do you know how long I have waited to have a man say that to me? My whole friggin' life! In any event, he sent me an e-mail saying he was coming up this past weekend and either decided not to come or decided not to call while he was here. His loss.

Thursday 10/11 the night of my "New Beginnings" celebration (still need to post pics) at MJ's I saw a handsome guy sitting at the bar by himself... I thought it was odd. Why sit there alone? Our eyes met a couple times - but it wasn't the time to be talking to guys so I moved along. Later saw one of my friends - Nicki - from the party talking to him. Turns out he was her DD (designated driver). I told her the next day I thought he was wicked cute, she said he thought the same thing... Jami invited him the following week 10/18 to her going away and the super cute DD showed :) An interesting night to say the least... since then we have been seeing quite a bit of each other. He is so sweet... calls me, sends me text messages, asks me out often and wants to spend time with me... this must be what Greg & Liz were talking about... if a guy is into you - you'll know. You won't have to wonder.

Per Rick, my friends and MYSELF I am not ready for a serious relationship right now... I need to keep my options open. With that in mind, I have another date tonight with a guy that I don't yet have a codename for. I met him through a couple that Steve and I introduced... funny, huh? He is very smart, handsome and quite a bit older than I am (more than 10 years). It will be interesting to see if we are on the same page.

There's more, but I feel like this post is already long enough

Rough Week

Last week was tough. I am finally coming to the realization that I can't do everything... and it is painful. Never before I have wanted to admit this. I feel like I am failing... not at one thing in particular - just at life in general. I have always considered myself a bit of a Wonder Woman and to not be able to do and deal with everything is a lot harder than I thought it would be.


Rick (therapist) suggested I look into a medication for my pms (I don't even want to give it capitol letters). Great, I'm one of those girls/women... I have noticed a pattern. Every month I get SO emotional, so overwhelmed and so down. I now acknowledge that it's normal for me to feel depressed right now. I have been dealing with some pretty heavy life changes, and some other intense stuff... but I don't like being depressed! I hate it. It exhausts me - ah, that would be yet another sign of depression... the lack of interest in things that used to interest me... insomnia... I sound like a damn commercial for an anti-depressant - UGH!

Thankfully I am back on an upward trend.

Vivian

"There are always new, grander challenges to confront, and a true winner will embrace each one" ~ Mia Hamm

I picked that quote for Vivian who is one of my dearest friends. Not only is she a loving mother, wonderful wifey, and best friend - she is a fighter and a true winner. Viv has been diagnosed with breast cancer... and I know she will push through this "grand challenge" and be even stronger. The doctors are feeling optimistic about her prognosis since the cancer was found early... however, she is facing surgery and chemo.

Please send positive thoughts and pray for Vivian and her family.

Her thoughtfulness of others never ceases to amaze me. She has been a constant source of strength to me through one of the hardest times in my life... she is always an example of selflessness... I can't keep track of all the times she has altered her schedule for me, dropped what she was doing to have lunch with me because I needed to talk... Invited me into her home to spend time with them (Peter, Vivian & my surrogate niece Nadia). I love this woman and hope I can be there for her the way she has been there for me.

Done Deal...

"I'm really demanding. No girl really wants just a guy. You want a prince. You want Jesus. So when he comes around and his name is like, Steve, what are you supposed to do?" ~ Macy Gray



That cracked me up! ESPECIALLY because she picked the name Steve. Yesterday was the big day... I am officially a divorcee. I don't think I like that term so much... I'm going to boycott it.

We had a such a good morning. We went to breakfast where we talked and laughed the whole time, went to court and then he changed the headlight in my car :) Such a good Wasband. When we got in the courtroom there was a couple already seated at the tables in front of the judge and although they were sitting at 2 separate tables they had their backs turned to each other. Steve and I sat down on the bench and he put his arm around me and started laughing and I said "if we don't stop getting along so well, the judge isn't going to grant us a divorce!" I am so happy with how things are with us and how amicable we are. He is my friend again and I hope it always stays that way.

When I was in therapy earlier this week Rick asked if I had any regrets and I was able to honestly say no. I wouldn't change the experiences I had because it has made me who I am. I needed to go through that... as painful as it was at times it was also really good at times. I know we have done the right thing and I have never had second thoughts. I also know that I will always love him, as a friend and as my first (and only) Wasband.

Nettie

My girlfriend Johnette (I call her Nettie - she calls me Adrie) and I have known each other since we were 11... there have been times where we didn't talk for years and yet when we were together it was like no time had passed at all... the sign of a true friendship. She lives in San Jose with Chad - another person I have known since I lived in California... there was a group of us with quite a history together, that ended fairly traumatically. Johnette and I were talking about the morning I was moved to Utah to live with my dad, step-mom and siblings... it never fails whenever we talk about it we cry... and of course it comes up often I won't get into it now, because I will cry - again. It's funny (kinda?) when I was in California I talked to my dad on the phone and I was telling him how beautiful it was there and he commented on the weather, the sun, the whole atmosphere of California and he said "it makes you wonder why you ever left" and I responded with, "um, we both know why I left... I think we remember pretty clearly why I left" I said it laughing and it still cracks me up... I think he was speaking in generic terms, like why would one leave California - not me specifically. I digress.

Johnette and Chad showed me some finer points of San Jose - we had so much fun. It has changed so much since I lived there... I remember the area they lived in being a little scary back then now it's all cleaned up and full of "luxury apartments/condos". I was able to meet some of their friends, Danny (Chad's boyfriend), Donyele and Katie (Johnette's friends) and they were all so sweet. Here are some photo highlights:



My first night we went to Goosetown to listen/watch kareokee it was a riot! I don't sing (for which everyone is thankful) but I love it when other people do! Pictured below are Johnette & I, Donyele & Mike, Katie & Donyele




On Saturday night we went to Hunters which was pretty crazy! Quite the hot spot :)

Johnette & I at Hunters

Chad & Danny at Hunters

While we were at Hunters we got to meet Hal Sparks from Talk Soup/Queer as Folk he was in town speaking at a fund raiser. He was so nice! I loved him on Talk Soup - haven't seen Queer as Folk yet. Not a big fan of the hair though - it looks much better short... not that he asked me... I wish he would... hahaha



In this picture I had just taken another one of him and he turned to Johnette to introduce himself and he said "hello, blue dot, I'm Hal Sparks" It was pretty funny

Johnette, her friend Donyele and I still at Hunters

Humboldt County

My next place to visit was Blocksburg in Humboldt County which was about 5 hours north of San Francisco. I had never been up there and it was amazing. Humboldt is known for a number of things, including the giant redwood trees, they were very impressive.

The drive to Blocksburg once I left Highway 101 was crazy! It was all hairpin turns, sharp curves, rough road and random cows! But look at that view!

While in Blocksburg I stayed with my friend Jim (aka Jimmy Bandito) who I hadn't seen in since last summer. I know Jimmy from Maine and now he lives in California with some friends - Josh, Nicole, Josh's Dad Barry and Nicole's son Alex who is 7. It is quite the set up they have there. Jimmy had warned me it was very laid back and rustic... he wasn't kidding. They are living in a barn that they are in the process of converting to a house. Jimmy was kind enough to get the bathroom done before I got there so I wouldn't have to use the out house and sun shower. Such a good friend.

I have never been so off the map so to say. There was no TV, my phone had no reception... we were close to 45 from the nearest store. It was so peaceful, I kept saying "it's so quiet out here". The stars were incredible, I couldn't believe how many there were when you are that far from a city, I wish I had been able to take pictures of them.

I read an entire book (300+ pages) we hiked, toured the redwoods, talked and just hung out (HAHAHA "we could talk or not talk for hours" - who knows what movie that's from?). We ate food that they grew in the garden, all organic... and they even made an apple pie and brownies in a dutch oven! It was almost like camping! There isn't a stove in the house, just 2 burners hooked up to a propane tank. I have never prepared baked goods like that - jeez, I can barely cook with an oven!

Here we are with the trees... not the most flattering picture of me - but it's more important you see how big that tree trunk is!!

This is Shadow the Great Dane, he was SO sweet, he kept wanting to lean on me, but my allergies kept me from loving on him too much. There were also 8 Great Dane puppies that I accidentally deleted the picture of, duh.

As much as I enjoyed my time there - I was not cut out to be a full time hippie chick... When I first got there I think it was Josh that said, "oh, she is a girlie girl... let's see how long that lasts" :) I thought it was pretty funny and I think I adapted very well.

Here we are the morning I left - not too scary for 3+ days of no make-up, unwashed hair, the quickest showers ever and only using a mirror I to back the car up!

Shoe Box on Wheels

On Sunday I took Meagan, Jon and AleBaBa to the airport in San Jose. It was so hard to see them go... Thank heaven I get to see them in a couple weeks... okay, closer to 6 weeks but it's better than 6 months :)

I am posting this because I can't get over this stupid car... I didn't have a choice for a rental, but the fact that someone would actually buy this is beyond me. I strongly disliked it! (hate seems to strong of an emotion for a car) We had been driving a Toyota 4Runner, but that was way more car than I needed for just me, and with all the driving I had planned I needed something a little more economical. This is what I got - a shoebox on wheels, aka a Chevy HHR (stands for Hideous Horrible Ride)

I would not be at all surprised to find out I had been running people off the road all over the state because of all the blind spots. I had to look around the rear view mirror because the windshield was so small... it was a nightmare on my way to Blocksburg... I'll fill that in later.

Anyway, because I am such a positive person and look for the best in all situations - here are the highlights of the shoebox: a sun roof and a stereo that had an aux adaptor so I could plug in my nano.