For some reason I can't put a title in - I am calling this post long, disjointed ramblings

I can't believe a month has gone by... Viv said to me - and I think it was a couple weeks ago - that I needed to update my blog. So here I am. I feel like so much time has pasted and I have changed so much in just a month.



The Osprey is finally picking up and I have been making some decent money (whew)... life at Sweetser is still going well, nothing to really report on that front. Steve and I are getting along fine, I am just counting down the days until I/we file for divorce - the house has finally shown, twice!



I spent a week with my family at Camp Merryelande, and it was so fun. Here are links to their sites because I didn't take pictures and several of my sisters did: Meagan, Corinne, Erin and Sarah. Because the trip was a couple weeks ago you might need to scroll through their posts to find those with the pictures. I was so happy to spend time with my newest niece Alexandra. I am so in love with her and it was so hard to leave her. It's interesting how attached I am to a little person I don't get to see often enough, but it's not really surprising since I love Nadia Dora so much and she isn't technically my niece. The last several times I have seen Nadia she gets excited and says "AUNTIE!" it makes me SO happy! I am always surprised to see how my nieces and nephews have grown from visit to visit... they are such sweet kids and I have a great time with all of them - although I have to say don't have the patience my sisters have... sometimes I can't believe they can do it... Corinne with 3 kids, Erin with 2 and a husband in Iraq, it's unbelievable. I don't know how Sue (my step-mom) did it with 7 kids and a daycare in the house!



The 4th of July was fun... I went to a party that Steve and I have gone to for years - 9 years to be exact. We came to Maine for a visit before we moved here and we went to a lobster bake at Cory Theberge's parents house on Orr's Island. It's an annual event and we have been every year but once when they didn't have it. I was concerned about how it would be... I have seen a lot of the people since Steve and I split, but not together in this concentrated amount and in such a nostalgic setting. I have to be honest - I hate being asked, "So, how are you, really?" with the look of pity in the eyes... I am sure it is genuine concern, however it comes across like I am some super sad sack and people feel sorry for me, when in all reality I am better than I have been in a long time and if I wanted to talk about how I "really" was - I wouldn't talk about it in a setting with Steve sitting right next to me. That being said it was a good time. Excellent food as always and it was so nice to see everyone. This was by far the most mellow 4th... I think having to work the next day sent most people home early and there seem to be more and more kids every year... I didn't even stay for fireworks! After I left the party I met my girlfriend Jordana for a beer and some chat where I didn't have to be "on". I was exhausted from making sure I was fun/happy Adrienne in front of everyone - and not to say I wasn't having a good time, but it's different when Steve is around... I really don't know how to explain it. I have come to realize that I will always love him in one way or another, just not as my husband. There was some peace that came with that acceptance. I was so focused on not loving him anymore, that when I would have a momentary lapse of sadness I would be so hard on myself! Obviously not helpful in the whole process.



I have been spending lots of time with my friends, Sarah my roommate and I are doing more stuff together... I am starting to get "set up" which is interesting... my therapist and I have talked about it at length and I was concerned it was too soon - what would people think? I know it shouldn't matter, but sometimes it does. I have decided (Rick - my therapist agrees) that if I am not dating one person and I am not allowing the relationships (for lack of a better word) to become physical there is no reason I shouldn't start meeting people... easier said than done. At times I get pissed that I am 33 years old and I am starting over again. I know tons of people have done it before me and all that stuff and that I couldn't see myself having a family with Steve so clearly it's for the best, but I am pissed I am in this situation at all. Next time around I am going to be much more selective... here is a list of criteria I sent a friend who wanted to set me up, in no particular order:


* Has a job
* Doesn't live with parents
* Isn't already in a committed relationship
* Isn't an alcoholic/addict, active or recovering
* Has own vehicle and a valid drivers license



As you can see it is the essentials... this is just a starting point. I am taking suggestions for list if you want to add to it.