Emotional

A couple months ago there was a man I was interested in... thought he was interested in me. I'll call him Mr. Moustache because of his foo style stache. He would come to the Osprey pretty regularly, he was very confident - maybe even a little cocky. He was retired from BIW... flew small planes, skied, a condo at Sugarloaf, a boat, on and on... He was sucessful and seemed like he had life all figured out. I thought we had a little spark... one night at the Kennebec Tavern (after a couple weeks of flirting) I finally said to him "I don't know what I need to do to get you to ask me out" he asked for my number and said he would call me. He walked me to my car, gave me a sweet kiss and we went on our merry ways. Weeks passed and he never called. I would see him out and he was always friendly - although no longer flirty. I chalked it up to experience and living through the "rejection" with no damage to my ego (I am getting better all the time).

Last night when I was at the Osprey, Nancy called to tell me that Mr. Moustache was missing

At first I was thinking this isn't about me, but I have been surprised at my reaction to it all... when I talk about it I get all teary... it's not like we were close... meerly starter friends or acquintences. I am torn by my feelings - pissed that he would do it. Sad that he abandoned people who care about him... empathy for the pain/heartache/loneliness/shame, etc. that he must have been feeling. And when I get right down to it, the reason this is hitting me so hard is that I am reminded of a very dark, sad time in my life where my own attempt was unsuccessful. I remember my mother asking me in the hospital how I could do this to her and responding with - "this isn't about you!" I am also realizing that this is the first person I have known personally to take their own life...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Kevin...