Al-Anon Insight

This post might be too much, too boring or too unrelated for most. I don't know why I don't typically write about this stuff (for the previously mentioned reasons perhaps?)... suddenly I felt like I needed to. More for my own reasons that for people to read. I need to be able to read it later.

I attend Al-Anon meetings. My favorite meeting is on Wednesday mornings at the Seventh Day Adventist Church. (Although Al-Anon is in no way religiously affiliated, it seems like most meetings are in churches.) It is a large group, around 30 people and it stays on track and focused which I really like. A lot of other meetings I have been to felt like a big bitch session about the "alcoholic" and this group doesn't. How is complaining helpful? What is it changing? I have said so many times, I really wish I would have found Al-Anon BEFORE Steve stopped drinking. I could have saved myself years of grief and resentment. I am learning ways to deal/cope with all situations in my life - not just those related to alcoholics.

Yesterday the topic was Detachment, and the concept of detaching with love... something I have yet to master... okay, honestly? really even use. Detaching is allowing a person to be responsible for their own actions - no matter how badly they are hurting themselves (which is the hardest time.) It is not trying to control any and every situation.

I am able to "detach" with manipulation, with nagging, crying and the most used - indifference. The indifference is what I was interpreting as detaching with love... because I wasn't nagging, manipulating or crying, I was just ignoring. But really... is ignoring loving? And I am not actually detaching if I am employing my former techniques, am I? (rhetorical question)

I am FINALLY learning I don't have to fix everything - I can't fix everything, no matter how hard I try. I think that is part of an oldest child thing... or maybe it's just my personality? a combo? I don't need to jump in every time someone makes a comment about something they need to do - I don't have to offer to help. I can wait to be asked! How is that for a concept... I don't have to give "advice" on everything. In our opening it says "In Al-Anon, we don't give advice, we share our experience, strength and hope." Hearing the "old timers" and how far they have grown in their relationships with themselves and others. Gives me hope. :) I have met amazing people in the program and am so grateful for Al-Anon.