Duh

I need to start a category of just DUH posts...

This morning on my way to work I stopped at Dunkin Donuts to get a bagel... Too lazy to actually get out of the car - decide drive through. Almost to the window to pick up my order and realize - I drove right by the speaker without placing an order!?

tgif

Christmas Highlights

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

It was a great Christmas! To keep it short - here are the highlights (in the order they occurred not in order of importance)

Christmas Eve with the Blackstones: blueberry martinis, scallops (a.k.a. chicken of the sea), JD & I being told to get a room - without even touching each other! (too funny not to mention), the boys in their Christmas jammies, hide and seek/scream with the boys, How the Grinch Stole Christmas, watching Caleb clean up for Santa so "he doesn't trip", putting out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer, Connor telling me "I wuv you"

Christmas Day: Morning with JD, Stone's Annual Christmas Party: opening presents with the St.Jeans while having a bloody mary - it's tradition! Seeing all the St.Jean Aunts, Uncles, Cousins and babies of the cousins, fabulous food, LOTS of laughs. Talking to: Donee & Grandpa Rick, Meagan, Lauren and Dad (for about 2 seconds). Having The Mother come up, her meeting JD for the first time, cooking dinner at my house (group effort), talking to mom while I washed dishes, JD being a good sport and watching my favorite Christmas movie: Love Actually

Yeah!

Happy Winter Solstice!

I am so happy the days start to get longer starting tomorrow... Maine winters are long, dark and cold, it's nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel

Hmm...

Amy, a woman I work with brought in a present for me this morning... She wanted to watch me open it and had a HUGE smile on her face - and at the same time was slightly concerned that I might be offended. I knew we were off to a good start! hahaha

The good news is, it's microwaveable! Whatever the hell IT is... does anyone know? We are guessing some sort of cake with raisins... Has anyone had it? Amy found it at the grocery store in the "Ethnic Food" section and after a double take decided she had to buy it for SOMEONE... I'm so glad she thought of me! :)

R.I.P. Rico Tubbs

Rico just passed away... godspeed big buddy.

Steve posted a tribute to the Fatty on his blog and does a very good job describing His Bigness.

Thank you for all the phone calls and e-mails.

New Bedding

A couple weeks ago I ordered new bedding from Overstock.com... LOVE IT!

I like the fact that I could make a pretty major purchase like that and not have to ask the opinion of anyone else :) This picture doesn't do it justice because the colors aren't right... The spread is a brown velvety type of fabric and the sheets are blush pink! So cute! I am tempted to paint the bedroom blush pink to match, but somehow I don't think my landlord would be overly thrilled with my color choice, hehe

Rico Update

Steve called last night to let me know that Rico has made significant improvement since the morning. His kidneys were failing, but now he is on medication and an IV... hopefully this will help the big buddy get better.

What an emotional roller coaster...

Oh no! SNOW!

On Sunday we got a lot of snow - almost a foot! The snow then turned to sleet/freezing rain... what joy. The ice barrier at the end of my driveway was daunting to say the least. I had to hack at the ice layer before I could shovel the powder underneath! I was a little over 1/2 way done shoveling when my girlfriend Gail's husband Dougie drove by and said "We have a plow" I responded with, "why yes you do and it's lovely" he said, "scoot over - we'll finish" and he did! He even took a big swipe in front of the steps where the snow/ice was even taller! What a doll :) I should have taken a picture of what it looked like when it was done - but it was dark!

Rico Tubbs

Steve called me this morning to tell me his big buddy is being put down today. We've had this cat for almost 10 years... Rico Tubbs made the trek with us from Utah to Maine in the back of a pickup truck (there was a cap on it). What an adventure that was for him - and us! While en route we stopped in Philly to see Cory. We were driving on back roads that were very curvy and at some point during that portion of the trip his bigness (Rico) decides to do his business but partially misses the box! When we got to Cory's house Steve had to cut some of the fat stuff's hair and hose him off in the shower because of the mess!! So gross! Taking care of the cat's business was always Steve's job and he did it well.

My heart breaks for Steve, he loves that cat so much. Putting Boots down a couple years ago was traumatic enough, but at least we had each other and got to say good-bye to her... Even though I haven't lived with the fatty fatty 2 x 4 for several months, knowing he is gone and I didn't get to say good-bye is harder than I thought it would be... Thank you, to Diane (Steve's friend who has been taking care of Rico) for looking after the big guy and for doing what has to be done... that job sucks.

I love you, Rico Tubbs a.ka. 20 lbs of hairy love, his bigness, Bikos, the Fat Effer, Fatty Fatty 2 x 4, Biko Bikofski the Russian kitty, Chinese cook and many others that I am sure will come to me later today... You'll be missed.

Oh Deer!

To really appreciate this story you probably need to know JD (that would be the guy with the codename DD - we've moved beyond code names :D). JD lives in a somewhat rural area that has a lot of deer. He's hit 1 deer with his truck and has had 3 deer hit his truck... how does that happen? I didn't think it was possible until we were driving one night and out from a field comes a deer... it's running next to the truck then THUMP - it turned INTO the truck putting a good size dent in the rear diver's side panel. I've never seen anything like it.

Saturday night on our way to dinner JD was driving my car. Out of nowhere there's a loud thump on the passenger's side in the back... I didn't see anything but JD said he thought he saw a deer come from the woods... super. We get to dinner, I look at the car and don't see anything. Sunday while we were out and about JD looks at the car and says, "um, Adrienne... I thought you said we didn't hit anything?" I answered "I didn't see anything - why is there a big dent?" "Not really a dent..."

Yeah, that's deer fur. Apparently I am officially a redneck (thank you, Nicki!) because I left the hair there until I could take a picture of it. :) No new dents in Blue Dart! She's little tank, I tell ya!

Sweet Victory

I am not a good bowler - in fact I am quite proud of the fact that I am not. There is no shame in admitting it.

For many years the St.Jean clan would go bowling on Thanksgiving. It was always SO much fun! And without fail every year I would have the lowest score... again, nothing I was ashamed of. One year Cousin Jeff mentioned how happy he was that Steve and I were married because now there was a bowler that was even worse than him - Thanks Cousin Jeff! ;-) Another year Jack (who was 4 at the time) was bragging about how he beat Adrienne! In my defense he had bumpers... The most recent bowling humiliation was suffered at the hands of the nephew Alex who kicked my butt! I don't think I broke 50 on that game! He beat Steve too, hehe.

So imagine how shocked I was when we went bowling last night and I actually WON!! Not only did I break my previous high score of 48 - I bowled a 125!! And I wasn't with bad bowlers! One of the guys we were with bowls so often he has his own shoes and balls!? Granted he hasn't bowled in over six months while he was on deployment, but still! I tried to take pictures of the score board, but it was too far away... I have a print out if anyone wants to see it, I would be happy to make copies and mail it to you.

The sweet taste of victory lingers on...

Big Duh

This morning as I was headed to the gym I started having a little asthma attack. I usually get flare-ups when it gets cold (I think the teens/single digits qualifies as cold). I pulled out my huffer (inhaler) and took a big ol' pull off it and SUCKED THE CAP INTO MY MOUTH! Those things should have warning labels! Just kidding - they probably do. The inhaler I had in my purse didn't have a cap and that's the one I was used to using. The replacement DID have a cap - and I wasn't used to it. I had to pull over I was so freaked out. The thoughts rushing through my head - the headline in the paper "Dumbass Woman Chokes to Death on Inhaler Cap" or "Big Dope Inhales Inhaler Cap" and the like... It was 4:45am - I was on a back road and should that thing have stuck I can't imagine how/if I would have gotten it out! I'm I won't do it again - however I have tossed the cap - just in case.

My JD

I'm 34 years old...

boyfriend sounds silly

I refer to him as my JD

THE GREEN KNIGHT RULES!

The Friday after Thanksgiving we had family pictures taken... and it was relatively painless - pretty amazing considering how many of us there were!

After pictures we went to Corinne's house for lunch and a little birthday party for Xavier. From there we went to Medieval Times. What a riot! I had no idea what I was in for when we arrived... The stadium is broken down into sections, each section has a knight to cheer for. We were given paper crowns and being the sucker I am, I bought a little plastic green flag to help me cheer even louder. Lauren and I sat next to each other and created quite a scene. We yelled so loud we were horse! The (wicked handsome) Green Knight kissed a flower and tossed it to me - although it fell a little short and the lady in front of me picked it up - as if she didn't know it was meant for ME! hehe Our knight won but was attacked at the very end by the bad guy. It was all very dramatic. It was fun to be a place where you eat with your hands (there is no silverware) and are encouraged to be as loud as you can!

It's fun to be part of a huge family... especially one that gets along and likes spending time together. Sometimes it's hard to be so far away - but it makes the times I visit that much better.

Thanksgiving in Maryland

This year I had Thanksgiving with my Dad, Sue and siblings for the first time in 17 years! We were all together - Tom was home (safely, thank God) from Iraq, Jordan was home from her mission, I was home from Maine, Sarah from Vegas and Lauren from BYU! Meagan, Corinne & Chris are local :)

This is the first Thanksgiving I (we) haven't hosted in 5 or 6 years... It was a good transition considering the circumstances... although I missed my St. Jean family and the good times we've had. It was weird not to have the stress... staying up late the night before making place cards, washing the serving dishes, etc., making a plan with Steve of who was going to do what the next day. Arguing about who was doing more, who was going to make coffee Thanksgiving morning to get the ball rolling, hehe - good times, huh Wasband? ;-)

It has been quite a year, a lot has changed... most of all - me.

I am thankful for a loving family and amazing friends who support me and stand by me. I am thankful to have a job and a home. I am grateful for the challenges I have been given that have made me a stronger person... I am truly blessed.

VEGAS BABY!

While I was in California a couple months ago, my friend Chad suggested that I join them for Johnette's 35th birthday party in Vegas. I replied with while that does sound lovely, this trip I am on right now is going to be it for my vacations this year he said, don't worry about it! I will cash in some frequent flier miles and the rooms are already paid for.



Hot diggity dog! Who passes that up!? NOT ME! So off to Vegas I went! Of course I have no pictures because as you well know: What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas! That's not really why, I just kept forgetting to bring my camera!



While we were there we saw Nick Swardson & Jamie Kennedy (comedians), Chris Rock (comedian) and Spam-a-Lot. I couldn't have imagined a better time! We ate at fabulous restaurants: Daniel Boulud at the Wynn and N9NE at the Palms. I had so much fun! Thank you to everyone: Chad, Danny, Johnette, Donyele, Dave and Curtis for a weekend I'll never forget! xoxo

New Beginning Celebration Photos

Finally I have a little slide show from my New Beginning Celebration back on 10/11. I am so fortunate to have these wonderful women - and so many others who couldn't be there - who love me and have supported me through one of the most challenging experiences of my life.

You may need to click "view show"

Another one (two) bites the dust...

At one point I was seeing 3 guys. I had been open with all of them - making it clear I wasn't ready for a committed relationship and that I was seeing other people and obviously they should feel free to do the same. I am weeding them out... a rundown:

Massage Boy who I haven't written about yet (it was a new thing) was very taken with me. A little TOO taken with me for the 2 dates we went on. We had talked on the phone and e-mailed for weeks... but it was still early friends stage at the most. The last time we met up he said he wanted to be more than friends and I told him that wasn't a possibility. We decided it would be best if we didn't see each other anymore. In addition to being a massage therapist, he works part-time at the civic center doing security. This past Sunday DD and I went to a Pirates (hockey) game and as luck would have it, Massage Boy was working the section we were sitting in. Here is a transcript of our text message exchange - while AT the game, sitting next to DD:

MB: A picture online with you and a guy hurt. You sitting there all cuddly is killing me. I don't deserve that. I feel sick to my stomach. Thanks for that

A: I'm sorry. I was up front with you and you knew the situation going into "it". It was never my intention to hurt you

MB: Whatever. You know i work here. You could avoid it. My tears weren't fake. I was falling in love with you.

Now I think we are in a "myspace" fight... although not really because I refuse to engage


Then there was Pepaw. I thought about calling him dimples because he has nice ones, but I kept going back to Pepaw. It's a term from my favorite gossip site D Listed and it refers to a hot older man who may or may not be a grandpa... this one happens to be a grandpa... I can't believe I went out with a grandpa! The age thing didn't really bother me - he's 14 years older than I am which isn't a huge deal. He is smart, successful, handsome and polite... as Bartlett would say: he "looks good on paper" but I just wasn't feeling it with him. The last time we went out he went in for a kiss - he got my cheek... he hasn't called since. If he does we'll have to have the "I'm-just-not-that-into-you" talk.

That leaves DD. He is still so sweet and thoughtful. He is patient with me and where I am in my life right now... he's even good with my crazy, in fact he's started calling me his "little crazy cakes" he doesn't know the 1/2 of it... hahaha I am trying to be cautious, use my head as well as my heart, however that is proving to be harder than I thought it would be. I am totally smitten

Whew

"Know that you have to be happy with yourself before you can ever be happy with someone else. And that your value doesn't come through anyone or anything. Your value is because of who you are" ~ Ashley Judd


DD and I had a great dinner on Thursday and talked about what we needed to - well, I talked, he listened and said he would be patient with me. He is divorced (for years now) and remembers what it was liked when it was new. He continues to be a total gentleman never pushing me, just being sweet and thoughtful. Saturday night we went out with my girlfriends (he was the DD); Sunday we went for a motorcycle ride (the last of the season I am sure, it was pretty cold) and watched the Patriots game at a friends house. When I was getting ready to go home Sunday night I had a mini-meltdown... I think it's much to early to let the crazy out, hahaha... then again why wait? He should know what he could potentially be in for. We talked through most of it then I headed home... I am starting to feel like instead of becoming more stable - I am becoming less stable.

Still feeling very discombobulated about my living situation... I feel like I can't stop talking about it. I'm like a homeless person living out of my car. I am so grateful to have so many friends that offer me places to stay until I can be in the house... Perfect example of why I can't live in the same house with Steve: This morning I went home to get ready for the gym. He stayed home sick today and when I came in I woke him up. He came downstairs, and without even thinking about it, went to the bathroom with the door open!? WE AREN'T GIRLFRIENDS! WE AREN'T MARRIED!! WE DON'T EVEN LIVE TOGETHER ANYMORE!! CLOSE THE DAMN DOOR! I was irked. I would really like to think it was because he was sick and very tired... doped up on cold medicine maybe? Ugh... lovely way to start my day.

I have moved on - no longer irked. Steve apologized :) Good wasband.

New Favorite

That is a song by Allison Krauss that I love.

I am referring to DD. I can't remember the last time I felt this conflicted.

I need to start by offering the disclaimer: I know I am not emotionally ready to be in a relationship... I know I have only been divorced for weeks... only been separated for 7 months... with the same man for 10 years. I have been dating a lot, meeting lots of guys, some of them really nice and fun to be with... Then along comes this one.

Never before has someone been so sweet to me or been so clear and up front about how interested they are in me. I won't lie, it's flattering! Who doesn't want to hear how wonderful they are? I like how he will give me kisses on my forehead in front of his mother and friends. He sends me text messages telling me he misses me when he can't see me... telling me how lucky he is to know me. I've never had a guy say that stuff to me or be so happy to be with me. I like that he listens when I talk. That he is willing to go out with 5 of my girlfriends that he hasn't met because it's what I wanted to do and he wanted to be with me.

All that said, it feels like it is happening too fast... we have seen each other 13 out of the last 15 days! Tonight we are having dinner and I have to tell him that we need to slow down - A LOT... and I am dreading it. I don't want to hurt his feelings and I don't want to push him away... I also want to make sure I am not using him as a rebound. That we are building a solid friendship as a base for something more down the road if we go that route... The time we are spending together reminds me a lot of how Steve and I started - hot, heavy and FAST... I don't want a repeat of that... (no offense, Wasband). I really like this guy... I just need to make sure I am not getting carried away.

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween!

This is Jordana (also known as my Wifey) and I on our way to a Halloween party last Saturday night. The parties were a tad lame, but we had fun regardless - we always do!

It's Too Much!

(that title is for you Viv)




I am a little (putting it mildly) stressed about my living situation. I decided to move back into the house... felt like a great decision at the time. Steve will pay 1/2 the mortgage I will pay the other 1/2 and the utilities... I don't have to move so that is a stress reliever. However the plans have changed. Not Steve's fault and I don't want to come across like I am blaming him.



He was supposed to leave on 11/5. I moved into the house this past weekend and the Wasband was very helpful... over lunch he informed me that departure date is not happening. It's looking like it will be closer to the 17th - that's if everything goes according to plan (when does it ever?) I had already been planning on staying in Lewiston with Alex (outlaw nephew) while Lise & Greg (outlaws) are in Italy - through 11/5. Sweet deal for me, a place to stay - a NICE place to stay and a little bit of time with one of my favorite nephews. I was all set to be back in the house on the 5th, whether Steve was ready to go or not. He was going to stay with a friend. Now THAT fell through. It was suggested that we stay at the house together - um no.


Yeah we are getting along better than ever. Yes we talk almost every day; but no, I do not want to live with him again - and I am sure he doesn't want to live with me either, we were just trying to figure out how we can both be happy until he goes. So now I live out of a suitcase thinking of what friends I can beg a couch off 0f. Thankfully I am gone quite a bit in November, so that helps... you are wondering why he isn't finding a place to stay? I offered to stay elsewhere so I wouldn't have to pay rent :) I am putting that off for as long as possible, hehe

Dates, Dates and More Dates

"It takes a mighty good man to be better than no man at all." ~ Dixie Carter


Ain't that the truth!? My dating life lately has been interesting to say the least.

I guess I am no longer seeing The Fisherman since neither one of us have called each other in 2 weeks... I would say it just fizzled out and I am happy I didn't have to have a discussion about not seeing each other anymore, clearly he felt the same way! hahaha

This past weekend Boston was supposed to come up... I don't think I have written about him. At first I didn't want to jinx it by talking about it too much but it's blatantly obvious he just isn't that into me. When we are together we have a really good time. He is an excellent host/tour guide in Boston and we go to great places... however I think for him out of sight, out of mind is a factor. He doesn't see me often so he forgets about me? I don't know... I was holding out hope because we have known each other for a couple years, knows a lot of my friends and is fun to be with. When he was up here the last time he commented on how much weight I had lost (not really that much, but I love that he noticed). In Boston we were getting ready to go to dinner, I was wearing a fabulous dress and when we were on the elevator he said "seriously, how much weight have you lost" with a bit of concern in his voice and I told him, it's only been 18 pounds or so he responded with "Well, I don't think you should loose anymore, you are perfect just the way you are" Maybe you had to be there, but the way he said it - I almost started crying. Do you know how long I have waited to have a man say that to me? My whole friggin' life! In any event, he sent me an e-mail saying he was coming up this past weekend and either decided not to come or decided not to call while he was here. His loss.

Thursday 10/11 the night of my "New Beginnings" celebration (still need to post pics) at MJ's I saw a handsome guy sitting at the bar by himself... I thought it was odd. Why sit there alone? Our eyes met a couple times - but it wasn't the time to be talking to guys so I moved along. Later saw one of my friends - Nicki - from the party talking to him. Turns out he was her DD (designated driver). I told her the next day I thought he was wicked cute, she said he thought the same thing... Jami invited him the following week 10/18 to her going away and the super cute DD showed :) An interesting night to say the least... since then we have been seeing quite a bit of each other. He is so sweet... calls me, sends me text messages, asks me out often and wants to spend time with me... this must be what Greg & Liz were talking about... if a guy is into you - you'll know. You won't have to wonder.

Per Rick, my friends and MYSELF I am not ready for a serious relationship right now... I need to keep my options open. With that in mind, I have another date tonight with a guy that I don't yet have a codename for. I met him through a couple that Steve and I introduced... funny, huh? He is very smart, handsome and quite a bit older than I am (more than 10 years). It will be interesting to see if we are on the same page.

There's more, but I feel like this post is already long enough

Rough Week

Last week was tough. I am finally coming to the realization that I can't do everything... and it is painful. Never before I have wanted to admit this. I feel like I am failing... not at one thing in particular - just at life in general. I have always considered myself a bit of a Wonder Woman and to not be able to do and deal with everything is a lot harder than I thought it would be.


Rick (therapist) suggested I look into a medication for my pms (I don't even want to give it capitol letters). Great, I'm one of those girls/women... I have noticed a pattern. Every month I get SO emotional, so overwhelmed and so down. I now acknowledge that it's normal for me to feel depressed right now. I have been dealing with some pretty heavy life changes, and some other intense stuff... but I don't like being depressed! I hate it. It exhausts me - ah, that would be yet another sign of depression... the lack of interest in things that used to interest me... insomnia... I sound like a damn commercial for an anti-depressant - UGH!

Thankfully I am back on an upward trend.

Vivian

"There are always new, grander challenges to confront, and a true winner will embrace each one" ~ Mia Hamm

I picked that quote for Vivian who is one of my dearest friends. Not only is she a loving mother, wonderful wifey, and best friend - she is a fighter and a true winner. Viv has been diagnosed with breast cancer... and I know she will push through this "grand challenge" and be even stronger. The doctors are feeling optimistic about her prognosis since the cancer was found early... however, she is facing surgery and chemo.

Please send positive thoughts and pray for Vivian and her family.

Her thoughtfulness of others never ceases to amaze me. She has been a constant source of strength to me through one of the hardest times in my life... she is always an example of selflessness... I can't keep track of all the times she has altered her schedule for me, dropped what she was doing to have lunch with me because I needed to talk... Invited me into her home to spend time with them (Peter, Vivian & my surrogate niece Nadia). I love this woman and hope I can be there for her the way she has been there for me.

Done Deal...

"I'm really demanding. No girl really wants just a guy. You want a prince. You want Jesus. So when he comes around and his name is like, Steve, what are you supposed to do?" ~ Macy Gray



That cracked me up! ESPECIALLY because she picked the name Steve. Yesterday was the big day... I am officially a divorcee. I don't think I like that term so much... I'm going to boycott it.

We had a such a good morning. We went to breakfast where we talked and laughed the whole time, went to court and then he changed the headlight in my car :) Such a good Wasband. When we got in the courtroom there was a couple already seated at the tables in front of the judge and although they were sitting at 2 separate tables they had their backs turned to each other. Steve and I sat down on the bench and he put his arm around me and started laughing and I said "if we don't stop getting along so well, the judge isn't going to grant us a divorce!" I am so happy with how things are with us and how amicable we are. He is my friend again and I hope it always stays that way.

When I was in therapy earlier this week Rick asked if I had any regrets and I was able to honestly say no. I wouldn't change the experiences I had because it has made me who I am. I needed to go through that... as painful as it was at times it was also really good at times. I know we have done the right thing and I have never had second thoughts. I also know that I will always love him, as a friend and as my first (and only) Wasband.

Nettie

My girlfriend Johnette (I call her Nettie - she calls me Adrie) and I have known each other since we were 11... there have been times where we didn't talk for years and yet when we were together it was like no time had passed at all... the sign of a true friendship. She lives in San Jose with Chad - another person I have known since I lived in California... there was a group of us with quite a history together, that ended fairly traumatically. Johnette and I were talking about the morning I was moved to Utah to live with my dad, step-mom and siblings... it never fails whenever we talk about it we cry... and of course it comes up often I won't get into it now, because I will cry - again. It's funny (kinda?) when I was in California I talked to my dad on the phone and I was telling him how beautiful it was there and he commented on the weather, the sun, the whole atmosphere of California and he said "it makes you wonder why you ever left" and I responded with, "um, we both know why I left... I think we remember pretty clearly why I left" I said it laughing and it still cracks me up... I think he was speaking in generic terms, like why would one leave California - not me specifically. I digress.

Johnette and Chad showed me some finer points of San Jose - we had so much fun. It has changed so much since I lived there... I remember the area they lived in being a little scary back then now it's all cleaned up and full of "luxury apartments/condos". I was able to meet some of their friends, Danny (Chad's boyfriend), Donyele and Katie (Johnette's friends) and they were all so sweet. Here are some photo highlights:



My first night we went to Goosetown to listen/watch kareokee it was a riot! I don't sing (for which everyone is thankful) but I love it when other people do! Pictured below are Johnette & I, Donyele & Mike, Katie & Donyele




On Saturday night we went to Hunters which was pretty crazy! Quite the hot spot :)

Johnette & I at Hunters

Chad & Danny at Hunters

While we were at Hunters we got to meet Hal Sparks from Talk Soup/Queer as Folk he was in town speaking at a fund raiser. He was so nice! I loved him on Talk Soup - haven't seen Queer as Folk yet. Not a big fan of the hair though - it looks much better short... not that he asked me... I wish he would... hahaha



In this picture I had just taken another one of him and he turned to Johnette to introduce himself and he said "hello, blue dot, I'm Hal Sparks" It was pretty funny

Johnette, her friend Donyele and I still at Hunters

Humboldt County

My next place to visit was Blocksburg in Humboldt County which was about 5 hours north of San Francisco. I had never been up there and it was amazing. Humboldt is known for a number of things, including the giant redwood trees, they were very impressive.

The drive to Blocksburg once I left Highway 101 was crazy! It was all hairpin turns, sharp curves, rough road and random cows! But look at that view!

While in Blocksburg I stayed with my friend Jim (aka Jimmy Bandito) who I hadn't seen in since last summer. I know Jimmy from Maine and now he lives in California with some friends - Josh, Nicole, Josh's Dad Barry and Nicole's son Alex who is 7. It is quite the set up they have there. Jimmy had warned me it was very laid back and rustic... he wasn't kidding. They are living in a barn that they are in the process of converting to a house. Jimmy was kind enough to get the bathroom done before I got there so I wouldn't have to use the out house and sun shower. Such a good friend.

I have never been so off the map so to say. There was no TV, my phone had no reception... we were close to 45 from the nearest store. It was so peaceful, I kept saying "it's so quiet out here". The stars were incredible, I couldn't believe how many there were when you are that far from a city, I wish I had been able to take pictures of them.

I read an entire book (300+ pages) we hiked, toured the redwoods, talked and just hung out (HAHAHA "we could talk or not talk for hours" - who knows what movie that's from?). We ate food that they grew in the garden, all organic... and they even made an apple pie and brownies in a dutch oven! It was almost like camping! There isn't a stove in the house, just 2 burners hooked up to a propane tank. I have never prepared baked goods like that - jeez, I can barely cook with an oven!

Here we are with the trees... not the most flattering picture of me - but it's more important you see how big that tree trunk is!!

This is Shadow the Great Dane, he was SO sweet, he kept wanting to lean on me, but my allergies kept me from loving on him too much. There were also 8 Great Dane puppies that I accidentally deleted the picture of, duh.

As much as I enjoyed my time there - I was not cut out to be a full time hippie chick... When I first got there I think it was Josh that said, "oh, she is a girlie girl... let's see how long that lasts" :) I thought it was pretty funny and I think I adapted very well.

Here we are the morning I left - not too scary for 3+ days of no make-up, unwashed hair, the quickest showers ever and only using a mirror I to back the car up!

Shoe Box on Wheels

On Sunday I took Meagan, Jon and AleBaBa to the airport in San Jose. It was so hard to see them go... Thank heaven I get to see them in a couple weeks... okay, closer to 6 weeks but it's better than 6 months :)

I am posting this because I can't get over this stupid car... I didn't have a choice for a rental, but the fact that someone would actually buy this is beyond me. I strongly disliked it! (hate seems to strong of an emotion for a car) We had been driving a Toyota 4Runner, but that was way more car than I needed for just me, and with all the driving I had planned I needed something a little more economical. This is what I got - a shoebox on wheels, aka a Chevy HHR (stands for Hideous Horrible Ride)

I would not be at all surprised to find out I had been running people off the road all over the state because of all the blind spots. I had to look around the rear view mirror because the windshield was so small... it was a nightmare on my way to Blocksburg... I'll fill that in later.

Anyway, because I am such a positive person and look for the best in all situations - here are the highlights of the shoebox: a sun roof and a stereo that had an aux adaptor so I could plug in my nano.

Monterey Bay Aquarium

Friday we went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium with Meagan's friend from high school Kelly, her husband and their little boy. My mother said we had been there before, but I don't remember it at all... no big surprise there.

Unfortunately the penguin exhibit was closed... I am sure a lot of you will remember how much I loved penguins when I was younger... still have a little thing for them :) There were so many amazing exhibits, however I think my favorite part was the jellyfish. These in particular were so cool. The color is what I found the most interesting... I don't know if it was the lighting that made them look orange - or if they were really orange, but the the contrast between the two colors is fascinating

AleBaBa

Thursday (9/27) I picked up Meagan, Jon and Alexandra at the San Jose airport and we headed to Monterey for the weekend. Meagan had a friend from high school getting married so I was going to get some quality one on one time with sweet Alex. I can't believe how much she has grown! She is so happy and such a pleasure to be around, I love her so much. I don't have good pictures from our time together... not sure why? But here are a couple I took while we were sitting on the bed in the hotel. I will get some others from Meagan.

Sausilito & Shuffleboard

I stayed with Jasper and Nikki in Sausilito Wednesday night when I first got to California and Jasper got the job of entertaining me since Nikki had to work. Lucky for him I'm easily amused. He asked if I wanted to play shuffleboard - "like old people on a cruise ship?" I asked? He said no, it was nothing like that and was sure I would have fun. He was right, of course :)

The pictures are small because they were taken with my phone... I really need to figure out how to make them bigger... any computer genius out there have any ideas?

The table (I guess that's what it's called? pictured on the right) has silica dust on it which is apparently ground up computer chips and there to help the pieces slide down the table has lines on it and the object is to get your puck within the lines and your opponent tries to knock you out of those lines... I wasn't really clear on the scoring system, but it was fun and I didn't care if I won or lost. I added a wikipedia link above for anyone who really wanted to learn about table top shuffleboard.

Golden Gate Bridge

I can't believe I am back in California after 9+ years... seems so weird. I flew into San Jose airport (which looks nothing like it did when we lived here) and picked up the rental car. From there I headed to Sausilito to stay with Jasper & Nikki. Sausilito is on the other side of the Golden Gate Bridge and the day I was there it was beautiful! The bay can get so foggy at times you can't see the bridge...

I'm Bringin' Crazy Back

"Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage" -Publius Syrus

That was my Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch page for Monday 9/24... how appropriate. I got another e-mail from Crazy Cakes and I am hoping with all I have that it is the last one. It read:

Adrienne

I am not mad at you. You were in some type of unhappy marriage for a long time, and now for the first time in years, you have your freedom back, and want to enjoy it, and be a "dating machine." I dont fault you for that, or blame you, its just that I am looking for a partner, not a date friend. We are just in different places, thats all. In past relationships, I have taken a back seat to kids, mothers, sisters, horses, and Its been a tough road , always being down on the priority list. For me, I want to be #1 for a change, clearly your looking for something different. You said yourself that you have been kinda seeing somebody else, so you need to pursue that, and see where it goes. You are really pretty, and I dont blame you for wanting to party a little, please dont blame me for wanting some stability, okay ? Have a great time in sunny CA.


I have decided the best response is no response at all. Rick (my therapist) said to cease all contact so as not to entice the beast - my words, not his :)

Big Ol' Can of Crazy

One of my favorite names to call people... I can't take credit for it - Carla said it on Scrubs. It still cracks me up.

What prompted this post is the guy (I'll was going to call him the Lobsterman - now he's just Crazy Cakes) I was supposed to have a date with on Saturday day - a lunch/movie thing... he didn't want the commitment of a Saturday night date, too much pressure he said (that's MY line! I don't schedule a Saturday night as a first date, I want to make sure it's going to be worth my while before I give up guaranteed fun plans with my friends). Anyway, Crazy Cakes said he would call me early Saturday morning - sometime after 7:30 to make a plan. It gets to be 11:30 and I still haven't heard from him... I decide to give him until noon which I think is pretty generous. He calls at 11:55. The conversation was annoying... and it goes around in circles about time/where we are going etc. After we make a plan to meet at 2:30 (I have to pick him up - at his parent's house! because his car is in the shop) for a 4:10 movie. I rethink the situation, how irked I am that called late, how pompous he is and how he just expected me to sit around and wait for him... Then I think of my "hot & heavy" girlfriend Jordana who I know I am going to have a good time with that night and decide that a date with Crazy Cakes isn't going to work for me. I call him back and say can we do lunch instead? He says "never mind, we'll do it tomorrow" (Sunday) I said, "No, I have to work". He says "Monday?" "Again, no, I have to work, and get ready for my trip"... I get a moment of silence followed up with "And I guess when you get back you will need a day to recover" and I said "I will have been gone for over 10 days, I will need than a day, maybe that following weekend?" Still trying to be nice... not sure why - I need to get rid of Toxic Niceness... He says, "whatever, have a good night" "oh, I will" I respond. There is a lot more detail in there that is just too much to type.

So a 1/2 hour after I hang up with him - I get this e-mail.

You should know me well enough by now to realize that I wont be playing second fiddle to anyone, especially Jordana. Its all about choices, and you just made one. I got punked out for a chick on a Saturday night.........are you serious ???? I am all for girls night out once in a while, but its every night for you guys. If I was Jordanas boyfriend, I would tell her to stay home and act like a girlfriend, but apparently she needs the attention so much that she would rather get hoochied up, go out, and flash the "double ds" to a bunch of strange men instead of enjoying a nice dinner, a movie, and then rocking out in bed. WHAT EVA, been there done that 20 years ago. That says volumes about the relationship dosent it ! You told me last night that you are a dating machine ??? Well, I dont share so good, and I DONT get worked into a spot on agendas, agendas get worked into a spot on me, so whats up ? Typical deal;, a girl has kids way to early, leaves them with the x, and parties because she should never had them to begin with because they interferes with the social life. Let me know when you get the partying out of your system !

The important thing to keep in mind is that he has never met my girlfriend Jordana. Here is what he knows about her: One of my best friends, divorced with 2 kids that are with their father from Thursday - Sunday, engaged to a deployed navy guy, and wicked fun to be with.

SO glad he let the crazy out early!! I didn't even have to go on a first date! I responded with: Okay. I was not about to waste my time, effort and energy defending my friend to him.

Ah, the joys of dating. Good thing I have my main squeeze Jordana to go out with to make up for all the crazy :)

It just came to me...

In the middle of the night. I was going to a bridal shower for a dear friend of mine this weekend and I wanted my gift to be creative - I have an image to uphold after all! I don't have my stamp stuff (it is still at the house) so I came up with this:

unfortunately I don't think you can really see it... It is a vase filled with glass bead/rock things and in the beads are a couple spoons, a veggie peeler, a pastry brush and something else that I can't remember... anyway I did the first layer in yellow, then wrapped white around that to create the "flower" part, then covered the bottoms in green floral tape so it looked like a vase full of flowers! I was thrilled with myself.

I have since come to the conclusion that I need more exciting things to dream about than how to gift wrap...

8 Years

My phone rang this morning at 5:30 - it was Steve calling to wish me Happy Anniversary - since we are technically still married. I can't believe it has been 8 years. I had a guy say to me the other day he thought if a couple made it through the "7 year itch" they were all set... obviously that is not the case...

Steve and I have been getting along so well. We had breakfast together on Saturday... we covered a lot of heavy stuff - I am able to think and talk about things more clearly now that we have time and distance between us. He is learning so much about himself and growing so much as a person it's impressive to watch. That doesn't change things between us - other than allow me to be more forgiving of him. He's trying and I wish him the best going forward.

1st Time...

I taught 3 tracks (songs) this morning for the first time!! I didn't do so great on the first warm-up... I choked a little, but by tracks 2 and 3 I was on a roll! Obviously I have a lot more practicing to do. I bought a portable DVD player so I can train/practice while I am in California for 10 days... I am looking forward to the time to myself and the chance to get this down so I can tape it and get 100% certified.

Lately I have felt so frazzled... between the Osprey, moving, training/practicing, trying to catch up at work and an attempt at a social life I am about to lose it! I gave up 2 shifts this week because I just need some time off - from myself! I am usually a very active/busy person but I think I have overdone it the last couple of weeks... A week from tomorrow I am on vacation and I am counting down the days.

Emotional

A couple months ago there was a man I was interested in... thought he was interested in me. I'll call him Mr. Moustache because of his foo style stache. He would come to the Osprey pretty regularly, he was very confident - maybe even a little cocky. He was retired from BIW... flew small planes, skied, a condo at Sugarloaf, a boat, on and on... He was sucessful and seemed like he had life all figured out. I thought we had a little spark... one night at the Kennebec Tavern (after a couple weeks of flirting) I finally said to him "I don't know what I need to do to get you to ask me out" he asked for my number and said he would call me. He walked me to my car, gave me a sweet kiss and we went on our merry ways. Weeks passed and he never called. I would see him out and he was always friendly - although no longer flirty. I chalked it up to experience and living through the "rejection" with no damage to my ego (I am getting better all the time).

Last night when I was at the Osprey, Nancy called to tell me that Mr. Moustache was missing

At first I was thinking this isn't about me, but I have been surprised at my reaction to it all... when I talk about it I get all teary... it's not like we were close... meerly starter friends or acquintences. I am torn by my feelings - pissed that he would do it. Sad that he abandoned people who care about him... empathy for the pain/heartache/loneliness/shame, etc. that he must have been feeling. And when I get right down to it, the reason this is hitting me so hard is that I am reminded of a very dark, sad time in my life where my own attempt was unsuccessful. I remember my mother asking me in the hospital how I could do this to her and responding with - "this isn't about you!" I am also realizing that this is the first person I have known personally to take their own life...

My thoughts and prayers are with you Kevin...

Front & Center

Today I did the step routine in front of the class... I didn't cue it - but I faced the class with another instructor. It wasn't too hard because Anna was cuing - all I had to do was listen and remember what foot we were really on. When you are teaching the class almost everything starts out on the left foot, but you are saying right foot because that is what the class is stepping on. I was very red faced throughout the routine, but I think it was a combo of being in front for the first time... a hot room without fans blowing on me (there aren't any aimed at the instructors - only on the participants!?) and I am just a red face. I don't know how else to explain it... oh, don't want to forget that I am a big sweater too... no, not like what you wear, but I sweat so much when I work out... my acupuncturist said it was a good thing... maybe in that setting but while working out - not so much. I think I am going to have to do an Olivia Newton John and get sweat bands for my head and wrists. Good look - right?

Hot & Heavy

It's not as exciting as it sounds, but the story cracks me up.

I have a really good friend named Jordana (people think we are sisters). She and I spend a ton of time together... her fiance is deployed and her ex-husband (she's mad at him right now, so he's not a wasband) has the kids from Thursday - Sunday that opens up her whole weekend. We have our Thursday tradition of martinis at MJ's and then the bar tour of Bath and we usually see each other at least one other time over the weekend. Last week we went to martini night, went out again on Friday and had a "date" on Saturday - dinner and a movie. When my friend Stacy asked me what I was doing Saturday night I said "I have a hot date" she said "with who? The Fisherman?" I said "no, with Jordana" and Stacy replied, "well, you and Jordana have been pretty hot and heavy lately, huh?" Perhaps you had to be there...

Thursday night I invited The Fisherman to join Jordana and I for the last leg of our evening... he had a long drive because he had to deliver a car about 70 miles away (he co-owns a dealership) but he said he missed me and wanted to see me :) nice guy, huh? I was glad she got to meet him... we'll see where it goes. It's still very early...

No more white pants or shoes

That's what I always think of when it's Labor Day... something my father instilled in me at a young age... Mr. GQ himself.

It was a beautiful weekend in Maine. The weather was dreamy! Not hot and humid in fact a little fall like, I loved it. I worked Friday night - slowest night of the year so far... I got out at 8:30 which is pretty much unheard of on a Friday so I headed to Windsor for a bon fire with a friend I will call The Fisherman.

Saturday I went on a motorcycle ride/lunch with a friend I will call Mr. R1 because that's what he rides for a bike... I can't believe how much I have missed being on a motorcycle. It was the longest lunch date ever. I met him at 1:00 and I didn't get home until 8:30! I was worried that he and I were going to have to have a "talk" because it seemed he was WAY more into me than I was into him, but he spared me :) and we are going to keep it at friends.

Sunday I met Steve for breakfast and we discussed house stuff. We actually had fun! I love how much better we have been getting along. He has agreed to buy me out of the house by transfering money from his 401k to my 403b (non-profit equivalent). I won't have money to put down on anything now, but in order to be done with it, it will have to be done this way. I'm okay with it. I headed to Portland to drop off Little Ray, my kitty. He has a new home with Candace... may only be temporary but she will make sure he is well taken care of. I got to have lunch with Erica and Josiah. I have missed her so much. I can't believe how big her little guy is! Sunday night I worked. Thankfully it was busier than it was on Friday and I actually made some money.

Monday went to a bbq at Popham Beach with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in a long time. Sharon & Jason are up from VA, I saw Nancy Senecal who I rarely see anymore... and several others, it was fun. Monday night I had a date with The Fisherman we went to dinner at the Osprey (like I can't get enough of the joint) and I introduced him to some friends I work with and that come in often... BIG step.

Now it's back to the grind... the grind that doesn't allow for white pants and shoes.

Last Day Lisa

My old boss Lisa Burgess got RiFed - Sweetser talk for Reduction in Force, i.e. laid off. I hate seeing her go. While I love my new boss Jami Ream it makes me so sad to think I won't be seeing Lisa's face or hearing her laugh at work. She was so good to me and we had so many fun times. I know there are more to come - especially since she isn't my boss anymore.

As a parting gift she gave me a beautiful hand painted martini glass. She suggested I take it with me to martini nights on Thursday, like some pubs have mug clubs where you get your own mug, I could have my own martini glass! She also gave me Mr. Right when you need him and it is so funny! A little cardboard guy that has a magnet by his head that you can attach different phrases to, like: "I could listen to you talk all night" "It's not your fault, it's mine" "You look thin. Have you lost weight?" "As always, you're right" and "May I take you shoe shopping?" and 5 more blanks so I can make my own. It's a riot.

I am going to miss Lisa... I have had the best bosses since coming to Sweetser! Ed French - who can forget Ed? Lisa and now Jami... hopefully Jami is here to stay for a while. ;)

Get to Steppin'!

I DID IT!! I passed the first part of my instructor certification class!! I am so proud of myself! It was the hardest thing I have done - physically. The workshop was held at a gym in Newmarket, NH and we were in a yoga studio that was about 80 degrees I swear... I am typically warm to begin with so you might imagine how hot I was when you throw in HOURS of step aerobics. I think over the course of the two days I worked out around 12-14 hours... between the workshop itself and the time I spent practicing the track I had to present.

My first presentation went well. My timing was slightly off, but I knew the routine and was even able to pre-que! The instructor was impressed since it was my first time teaching. Then we worked out for a couple more hours and we had to present again - this time in the aerobics studio with the microphone! I CHOKED!! I was so spent physically, mentally and emotionally I had nothing left in me... at one point I really thought my legs were going to to give out... I don't know how my brother-in-laws can run marathons... But I did it!

Now I need to memorize the other 11 tracks (songs) co-teach four times and video tape myself teaching a class, mail it in to be "graded" and I will be a certified Body Step instructor (provided I pass - and I WILL!)

Goin' Through the Big "D" (and I don't mean Dallas)

I wish I could remember who sang that song... it's country - maybe you know?



Things have been going very well. Steve and I have a tentative date for our court date - 10/9. I am still waiting for the papers from the court. So far it has been relatively painless... the only issue is the house and it not being sold, how to handle that. Once I have more things figured out I will share more... Hopefully by the middle of next week.

My new term for Steve is WASBAND... it doesn't have the sometimes hostile connotations that ex-husband has. I like it, it still cracks me up every time I say it. And my former in-laws are now out-laws, HAHAHA!! funny stuff.

Same Old...

Not too much to write about this week... this are pretty status quo - which is nice for a change :)

Friday night I worked and for the first time in a long time I didn't go out after! I was still feeling a bit run down from being sick and just wanted to go to bed.

Saturday I got up pretty early and headed to Portland for a birthday party for my girlfriend Erin and a girl's night with Karri, Erica and Leslie. The party was fun, a pool party at Stacey's parents house... we got a little rain so the festivities were moved inside. It was an new/odd feeling to be the only one there without a man/boyfriend/dating someone and without a kid. Not that all the guys were at the party - only a couple were, but all the women were attached in one way or another. I think the girls for girls night had much higher expectations for the night and me than I did. I was still in a I want to sleep in my own bed kind of mood... and after spending the afternoon with kids and pregnant ladies I was a little spent to be totally honest. And I knew I needed to work the next day at 11 and would need to do my chores before then. In the past we have had girls night, drank wine, sat in the hot tub and had a sleep over and I just wasn't feeling it. I felt bad... we had planned it for so long but I just wasn't in that space.

I worked a little extra this weekend, which was exhausting. I worked a double on Sunday which means I was there from 11:00am till about 10:30pm and we were SO busy!! And it was stifling in the restaurant... we have to be one of the few places that doesn't have a/c and at times it's unbearable. Thankfully I made good money so it was all worth it in the end.

Some friends (Jasper & Nicki) were in town from California this week and they finally made their way to the Osprey Sunday night. After I got out of work we went to Maxwell's and shut it down... on a Sunday night!? Who does that!? It was a good time and I was glad I got to see them for the short time they were here.

All in all, a good weekend :) It's only Tuesday and I am already looking forward to this weekend... not that I have anything planned - or even a day off... I just love the weekend.

What a weekend...

I feel like I went non-stop for so long, then finally crashed... hard. A couple noteworthy things form the weekend that I will share.

Early Saturday morning I headed to Bath to get stuff to make potato salad for the annual St.Jean summer party - which is usually held at camp but because of Jackie's (my mother-in-law) broken arm it was held at Lise's (my sister-in-law) house in Lewiston. While I was at the house - our house in Bath where Steve lives - making the potato salad I had a little accident... although some are wondering if it really was an accident, hahaha. While I was cutting the potatoes Steve said he was leaving, I went to hug him - both of our arms went up and I STABBED HIM IN THE ARM! It was SO gross!! I could see past the skin layer, the fatty layer (not that there was much of one) to the pink part! And it wasn't bleeding! I FREAKED out, crying, oh my gosh, you need stitches, we need to go the ER, on and on... he said, nope I gotta go, the boat's leaving at 9:30 and off he went...

Saturday I was invited to a "Ladies Luncheon" hosted by my girlfriend Suz. I had the best time. There were only 4 of us at her home in Newcastle, but we laughed for hours... told funny stories and had great food and drinks - pomegranate martinis! To quote Suz "shadoobee". We decided that we would make it a monthly event and take turns hosting and inviting other women to join us.

Saturday night I had dinner with my mother, her brother Brian and his wife Jennifer. Brian and Jennifer were visiting from California. We decided they should come to the Osprey rather than me going to Portland to do the touristy type thing. Our meal was lovely, view was excellent and the company fabulous.

Sunday was the St.Jean summer party and it was so nice to see everyone again, although it was really hard. Sometimes it just hits me that I am not going to be as close to these people as I have been... that I am not going to be included in the family activities, birthdays, holidays and what not... I think it's almost harder than splitting up with Steve. The family has never been anything but loving and supportive... I had been detaching from Steve for so long - but not the family until now and seeing them all was tough. Especially Alex... there is something about that little guy - well not so little anymore... I remember hearing him add Auntie A to his prayers when he was 7 and we were visiting from Utah... seeing Simon in the hospital when he was only hours old... Taking Graham to the movies. Having dinner at camp, Christmas at Lise's and Easter at Renee's... enough, it's making me cry to type about it and think of all the fun times we had together as a family. I will always love them.

hmm...

Mr. Clean already called... that didn't take long :)

SALSA!

Last night Erica and I met her friend Nakita for salsa dancing at 51 Wharf in the Old Port (Portland). First there was a lesson first for $5 where we were taught the very basics and I learned how to dance the guy's part - the women were outnumbered (big surprise?). I couldn't believe how many people were crammed into this tiny room! The instructor was a riot and made the process easy and entertaining... he and the DJ worked well together - you could tell they do this every week. It was an absolute blast and I am already looking forward to doing it again.


I made a new friend - we'll call him Mr. Clean because he looked a little like Mr. Clean, shaved head and a goatee (a slightly outdated look, but I was willing to move past it for entertainment purposes). After we attempted dancing - he missed the instructional and I only knew the guys part - we talked for the rest of the night. He lives in NY and was here for work... he'll be back in September... He bought me a huge sunflower from the woman who was selling them on the street and I gave him my number... we'll see if he calls. I seem to have a thing for unavailable guys, whether it's location, emotionally/mentally unavailable, or just plain bad news... whatever it is I am like a moth to a flame... or rather I was. Rick and I work on that in therapy I am getting better at recognizing these traits from the get go.


I had forgotten what it was like to not be attached and effort it requires to be noticed in a bigger city (if Portland can be called that). It made me appreciate Bath even more. In Bath I can go to Maxwell's the Shipbuilders Pub straight from the Osprey - maybe change clothes first - without a shower, redoing my hair or make-up, or too much concern about what I am wearing and comfortably fit right in... making too much of an effort to get prettied up would make me stand in a not so good, "trying too hard" kind of way. The downside to this comfort is the selection of available men, there isn't one. Portland is a totally different scene, lots of guys and of course younger,and prettier girls everywhere and it made me feel old at 33. At times it's a painful reminder that I am starting over again and that it will be at least a couple years before I am married again and (dear god, please) having children...

Everything happens for a reason... I have to keep telling myself that.

YIPPEE!!

I DID IT! I signed up for the Bodystep Training so I can be a certified instructor at the gym! I am in a bit of shock and only slightly stressed out about all of it, but very proud of myself for taking the first step. The training is 8/24 & 8/25 in New Hampshire. Typically the training is 3 days long (and I hear I am in for a butt kicking!) but this one is only 2 days - and $100 less! Heck of a deal. There is a chance I will be teaching the 5:30am class, and maybe some nights and weekends once I become certified... YEAH ME!

I will keep you posted :)

Again with the no title... I don't know what's up with Blogger. I'm sure it has nothing to do with the user, hahaha

I had been saving this Getting in Touch with Your Inner Bitch from June 27 and it is so perfect for today:

"Your Inner Bitch wonders how many women have ended up dating the wrong person just because they didn't want to offend someone who asked them out. Is taking care of someone else's fragile ego worth wasting our precious time? I don't think so."

LOVE IT! I went on my first date in almost 10 years last night... we'll call him Bee (names have been changed to protect the innocent). It was interesting to say the least... I'm so glad I have a prescription for ulcer medication. I was surprised at how nervous I was. I have been wanting to start "getting out there" so to say, but when the time actually came - it was a bit stressful. We had a fine time... nothing to really blow my socks off, so the quote above is perfect for today.

I need to learn how to say no - in so many areas of my life. I think it's the musical Oklahoma that has the song "I'm just a girl who can't say no" I am so concerned about hurting someone else's feelings that I often overlook my own. My Inner B suggests saying "I don't think so." If he asks me out again I will practice saying that... no time like the present.

For some reason I can't put a title in - I am calling this post long, disjointed ramblings

I can't believe a month has gone by... Viv said to me - and I think it was a couple weeks ago - that I needed to update my blog. So here I am. I feel like so much time has pasted and I have changed so much in just a month.



The Osprey is finally picking up and I have been making some decent money (whew)... life at Sweetser is still going well, nothing to really report on that front. Steve and I are getting along fine, I am just counting down the days until I/we file for divorce - the house has finally shown, twice!



I spent a week with my family at Camp Merryelande, and it was so fun. Here are links to their sites because I didn't take pictures and several of my sisters did: Meagan, Corinne, Erin and Sarah. Because the trip was a couple weeks ago you might need to scroll through their posts to find those with the pictures. I was so happy to spend time with my newest niece Alexandra. I am so in love with her and it was so hard to leave her. It's interesting how attached I am to a little person I don't get to see often enough, but it's not really surprising since I love Nadia Dora so much and she isn't technically my niece. The last several times I have seen Nadia she gets excited and says "AUNTIE!" it makes me SO happy! I am always surprised to see how my nieces and nephews have grown from visit to visit... they are such sweet kids and I have a great time with all of them - although I have to say don't have the patience my sisters have... sometimes I can't believe they can do it... Corinne with 3 kids, Erin with 2 and a husband in Iraq, it's unbelievable. I don't know how Sue (my step-mom) did it with 7 kids and a daycare in the house!



The 4th of July was fun... I went to a party that Steve and I have gone to for years - 9 years to be exact. We came to Maine for a visit before we moved here and we went to a lobster bake at Cory Theberge's parents house on Orr's Island. It's an annual event and we have been every year but once when they didn't have it. I was concerned about how it would be... I have seen a lot of the people since Steve and I split, but not together in this concentrated amount and in such a nostalgic setting. I have to be honest - I hate being asked, "So, how are you, really?" with the look of pity in the eyes... I am sure it is genuine concern, however it comes across like I am some super sad sack and people feel sorry for me, when in all reality I am better than I have been in a long time and if I wanted to talk about how I "really" was - I wouldn't talk about it in a setting with Steve sitting right next to me. That being said it was a good time. Excellent food as always and it was so nice to see everyone. This was by far the most mellow 4th... I think having to work the next day sent most people home early and there seem to be more and more kids every year... I didn't even stay for fireworks! After I left the party I met my girlfriend Jordana for a beer and some chat where I didn't have to be "on". I was exhausted from making sure I was fun/happy Adrienne in front of everyone - and not to say I wasn't having a good time, but it's different when Steve is around... I really don't know how to explain it. I have come to realize that I will always love him in one way or another, just not as my husband. There was some peace that came with that acceptance. I was so focused on not loving him anymore, that when I would have a momentary lapse of sadness I would be so hard on myself! Obviously not helpful in the whole process.



I have been spending lots of time with my friends, Sarah my roommate and I are doing more stuff together... I am starting to get "set up" which is interesting... my therapist and I have talked about it at length and I was concerned it was too soon - what would people think? I know it shouldn't matter, but sometimes it does. I have decided (Rick - my therapist agrees) that if I am not dating one person and I am not allowing the relationships (for lack of a better word) to become physical there is no reason I shouldn't start meeting people... easier said than done. At times I get pissed that I am 33 years old and I am starting over again. I know tons of people have done it before me and all that stuff and that I couldn't see myself having a family with Steve so clearly it's for the best, but I am pissed I am in this situation at all. Next time around I am going to be much more selective... here is a list of criteria I sent a friend who wanted to set me up, in no particular order:


* Has a job
* Doesn't live with parents
* Isn't already in a committed relationship
* Isn't an alcoholic/addict, active or recovering
* Has own vehicle and a valid drivers license



As you can see it is the essentials... this is just a starting point. I am taking suggestions for list if you want to add to it.